Another fun subject to write about would be my sister-in-law, Barbara.

Barbara lives about 15 miles from me and we both worked at the University nearby. During this time period we were in our early 50's and thought we should celebrate Hump Day (Wednesday) and Fridays. She actually needed a drink more than I did on those days. She has always been a funny person with a great sense of humor so we made the most of it.

On those two particular days of the week, Babs would give me a call at work and say "have you got any booze"? Depending on my answer one of us had to make a stop and that would depend on which one of us had any money. I usually walked to and from work (1 1/2 miles each way) so I could depend on Babs for a ride and a trip to either the liquor store or Kroger's for wine.

Babs had a Chevy Camero and in it's time it was a hot car. But Babs had scraped it a few times and the inside was trashed. So it wasn't all that sexy and hot anymore. We thought we looked good tho.
She also had a CB radio, but that will have to be another blog. The more I write, I swear, the more stories are coming back.

On our Friday trips home the local radio stations would always play Take This Job and Shove It by Johnny Paycheck. The stations would all play that between 5-5:30. We would sing it all the way to my house, just to get in the party mood. My kids loved it. They knew there would be a lot of laughing and singing and good snacks and probably some dirty talking by their Auntie. She has never disappointed them there either.

My husband was a beer drinker and he always had a cold one ready to pop a top and he also worked for the University and his office was closer to home than mine. So he would beat us home. In the spring and summer was when we would have our little deck parties. The weather was getting warm, birds were getting wound up for mating and people watching and we were setting up the CD player for some oldies but goodies.

Babs loves to talk and smoke and lots of both. She sips her drink, whatever it is. I am a mover and shaker and waste no time. I can drink wine (if I have to) but it's not my favorite drink. I prefer Vodka (in a mixed drink). I used to only by 100% alcohol and would listen to Babs bitch that I would get wasted quicker because I couldn't sip. I have learned and I don't buy 100% anymore. Only took me 30 years to learn that lesson and they were some fun years and some years with the porcelain. I am a very slow learner.

Many of those summer evenings Babs and I would be left alone. The husband had had enough or the news was on. We solved many problems as we laughed and watched the sun go down. Lots of times Babs would complain that she was so broke or that she needed this or that... I was always something.... Jesus, like a broken record. One time when she was whining, I caught something about needing a perm. I perked right up. I said I have rollers, a friend of mine has given me perms and there's nothing to it. You buy the perm and it's a piece of cake. Man she quit the whining and we decided the next time we met at my house she would bring the perm and we could kill two birds with one stone. I'm starting to snicker as I type.

I know you are getting anxious --- DON'T--DON'T read ahead.... So it's 5 p.m. and we have the booze and the permanent and she is starting to whine -- do you really know what you are doing. I tell her if she makes me mad I won't do it. She says okay, okay..... I trust you. Music to my ears. I am secretly rubbing my hands together. I can hardly wait to give her the perm. But, first things first. Booze. We mix a couple of drinks -- by then we're getting warm and decide just to pull our slips up over our bras and work that way. Can't have a fan on when you're doing a perm, might stop the solutions from working. I am really hot natured too. It could get ugly if I overheat.

So we set up at my dining room table. We have the rollers, 5 different sizes and colors. We have the solution and Babs is gonna read as we go. So I have a little cape to put around her when it's time to start the solution. So as I start to comb her hair she starts moaning. I asked what the hell is wrong? She says I'm having an orgasm. I asked why. She said you are touching my head and hair and I'm having an orgasm. I said well I will stop cause that's not happening in my dining room chair. She pleads, okay, okay....I'll try to stop moaning. My God, what have I gotten myself into. I knew she wasn't normal. Well this moaning and groaning goes on for almost an hour til I get her damn hair rolled up. Lord help me -- I swear to God I will never give her another perm. I couldn't get that drunk again.

I open the solution and Babs wants a towel, in addition to the cape around her. Then the husband is bitching about th'e smell and why are we doing it at our house and not her house. It's her brother.....So I get her a towel. I start putting the solution on and she lets out a blood curdling scream, I wet my pants. "What the hell is wrong", I asked. She says,"it's cold" -- I said shut up, it's not that cold. More whining. Then she says she needs another towel to get the solution off her face. I bitch because that's one more towel for me to wash. I go for the towel, mumbling the whole way.

I come back and she tells me that she thinks the solution is burning her face. OH MY GOD, it would be so easy to snap her neck right now, she would never know what happened. I have just begun putting the solution on her. If I don't soon get it all over her head, the front of her hair will look like a poodle. She won't stop whining.

I run to the medicine closet to see what I might have to protect her face. We've all had permanents -- haven't you? They put cotton, around your face and under the curling rods before they squirt that stinky stuff on you. Well, that's what a professional hairdresser does. I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL. SHE KNEW THAT WHEN SHE BOUGHT THE PERM. I find Vaseline, that will work, but not cotton and especially none like the beauty parlors use. Aha..... I found TAMPONS. I run back to the dining room with the Vaseline and the Tampons. "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat is that for" she asks? I said shut up and put this Vaseline on your face. In the meantime I am pushing those tampons out of the cardboard so fast it was making me dizzy. I slapped a tampon all around her WIDE HEAD under each curling rod, string and all. Then I got tickled and handed her a mirror. Then we both laughed til we cried. Then I got the solution on. AND THEN WE DRANK and WE DRANK and the timer went off. Then we shampooed her in the kitchen sink.

Did I happen to mention that Babs might be 5'2? She is short and wide. So I say belly up to the sink. She says I can't get my head in the sink (WHINNNNING) Then it's "I need a clean towel" I said hell no, you have two towels, shut up and get your head in the sink. She said I was killing her, she couldn't breathe that her ribcage was in her bra, yadda, yadda, yadda. I got the curling rods, out, rinsed her put another solution on her and shampooed her. She finally did have to have another towel, damnit. But my revenge was sweet.

We went back into my dining room and looked into the mirror and she said, "OH GOD, I look like ORPHAN ANNIE". I said "your hair isn't red". She said I have to go to work tomorrow. I told her it would be fine. She said there was no way it would be fine. I assured her that it was this tight because we had just taken the rods out. In the morning when she got up and took a shower and shampooed, it would be relaxed. I even swore to her that it would be. Then she said, "how will I fix it tomorrow"? I told her I was loaning her my hair pick (remember those)and all she had to do was pick it after she dried it. I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing.

When she got ready to go home, we had both sobered up. I walked her to her car (in my slip above my bra) and the stars were out and the lightning bugs were blinking lights at us and it was good. She was leaving. She pulled out of my driveway, blew the horn and waved. I waved and grinned really wide and sat down in the dew covered grass and laughed til I cried.

Happy Trails