TO THE SUNNY BEACH WE GO

Thursday morning Judy and I got on the road much earlier than expected. For once, I was not ready!! The reason for that delay was caused by my LONG HAIR. If you have seen pictures you know that I usually have a short "do". For 6 months, at least, the hair has been growing just for kicks. The longer it gets the harder it is to manage. Probably one reason for that is that I have a hard time doing anything with the back of my head. I think my arms are to short ---- or maybe the head and the body are to big...whatever the reason it takes a long time to get presentable. Therefore, the delay on Thursday morning. I knew Judy Faye was on her way and I left the front door open for her to come on in. I am as skiddish as a chicken in a fox den. Knew she was coming, kept hot curling and burning myself and thought I heard something. Remember, I knew she was on her way -- I peeked around the bathroom door as she turned the corner and saw her and screamed. We both laughed til we cried. That's when we knew that this was gonna be a fun ride.

Thursday morning, unbeknownst to me, Judy had the new GPS in the front seat of the car. The excitement was building. You know we drive thousands of miles and never, ever take the GPS out of the trunk. We both got settled in and arranged the new cushions under our butts. Judy told me she had programmed the damn thing(GPS) twice already. The excitement was building. Seatbelts were buckled, comfort zone was established and I broke out in "On the Road Again". We start up my street and the GPS immediately speaks up. We were told to take a right and I clapped. We had done it -- we had gotten smart enough to program a GPS -- hoo hoo. We knew that in 3 minutes we had to take a right to reach the main highway. We were on pins and needles, grinning and showing all our teeth. As we near the turn the GPS said "take a left" -- DAMN. Then it gave directions back to Judy's house. There was lots of cursing going on by that time and that subsided quickly. Judy said she didn't know which way we should go. I said a few more expletives (I know more than Judy) and the laughter rung out. Hell, we would get there somehow. It's not like we have never been to Myrtle Beach, S.C. We love an adventure -- but you knew that or you would not be reading this stupid blog of mine.

I continued to play with the GPS thinking that I might just be smart enough to fix it before we hit the Interstate. Judy told me to throw it in the damn backseat. On the interstate and still trying... 12 miles down the Interstate we pulled off at the Rest Area. I will conquer the GPS. 15 minutes later we drove back onto the Interstate with GPS in hand and just trying to figure out how to turn the damn thing off. I did figure out how to pop out the memory card and EUREKA -- it worked. GPS shut down and let me program again. When you're hot, you're hot.

I know that Judy loves strawberries and on the road to the beach was a sign, FRESH STRAWBERRIES. I needed a bathroom break and Judy was drooling. I jumped out of the car and the owner said "how's it going" -- I told him once I came back from the bathroom it would be going great. I came out refreshed and Judy had purchased a $10 basket of the most beautiful strawberries you have ever seen. My God, we could even smell them. She surprised me with a large cup of boiled peanuts (my very favorite thing in the world, next to Chocolate). I saw those berries and realized that one big basket would never be enough. I purchased another one for good measure. You can never have too much of a good thing, big, fat juicy strawberries is a good thing.

Judy has a granddog named Otis. He is a Chesapeake Bay Retriever. He is a huge dog with CRAZY EYES. His eyes make him look wild. But Otis has to be the smartest, sweetest dog. Otis has a great disposition and nothing alarms him. Otis is now 13 which Judy tells me is old for a BIG DOG (you know how SMART she is). Judy had been keeping Otis for a week or so and she started telling me about how she and her sister, Janis, were talking about something the other night and were spelling words to each other. They realized they were spelling and there was no need, OTIS is deaf now. I asked why in the hell they were spelling? Were they nuts? She said that they had always had to spell because he was so smart, if you mentioned car or truck he got excited, or treat, or any of his favorite things it was hard to calm him down. I have only had 3 dogs and they were NOT smart. He is a sweetie and just thinking about him makes us both happy. She is a good granny.

Arrive at the Beach. I dreaded seeing the motel -- nowhere near our usual haunt. When the price is cheap I worry (usually for good cause).

The place was a semi-dump. I was not happy and Judy said for $200 a night we could stay in a Marriott. Pissed me off. If we had $200 we would be in a Marriott. My previous boss used to take me on business trips with her. WOW is all I can say. I got to go to places I would never have gotten to go to, stayed in high class places, from a resort (to take depositions)to a grand room in a Chicago Marriott. God it was fun traveling with Kay. She is a platinum Marriott member and not only do you get upgrade after upgrade, but there is wine and cheese from 4-6. I can drink some free wine....plus I entertained Kay by oooohing and awwwwwwing. So therefore, Judy berates me about a damn Marriott. Jealousy makes her green.

I decided to look up information and news on the computer and told Judy that I was going to get on the computer and see who died. (Obituaries from home) Judy replied "Elizabeth Taylor died?" I said what? She said you said Elizabeth Taylor died. I explained to her what I had originally said and how she might need a couple of hearing aids too. She said that I mumbled.....same ole same ole. But you know there was more laughing and snickering every time we looked at each other.

I had decided to start on this blog and told Judy I just couldn't remember anything funny that had happened and that I might have "Writer's Blank" -- She said you mean "Writer's Block?" We get tickled at how stupid we are and how it takes so little to entertain us at any given time.

We decided we needed to go to Sticky Fingers and eat ribs, that is a tradition for us. We walked in and I saw lots of children. I told the waitress I wanted smoking because I didn't want to sit around children. She told us we should sit in the bar. Well for God's sake -- we should have considered loud mouths when we agreed. A woman and a man tried to entertain the whole restaurant in song and jokes. I shook my head and Judy said "don't say a word -- this was your idea." We ate quickly, didn't even have dessert. We left in a rush and headed back to our dump.

The next day was the George Jones Concert. I was really getting stiff legged. Knew that we were going to have front row seats and we were going to be able to see what George really looks like. Well we had 2nd row seats and they worked out well. George Jones is OLD!!! I don't remember him being so OLD. He walked out on stage in a semi-Hawaiian shirt, hair was the same and he had microphones in each ear. Our friend had pointed out that on the stage were monitors with all the words on them.
How disappointing. Poor George, his stomach was huge and we think he had probably just eaten on his bus. He kept his hand on his stomach most of the time, read the words to every damn song and missed a lot of high notes. He made faces and cursed under his breath about the microphone problem. That was interesting to watch him communicate with eye contact with his bass player. It was a scowl and a head shake and the bass player went to the fellows working behind the curtain. We could see all of it from the front row. Not really impressive but we can say that we did see the Legend. He had some skanky female singer with him and we weren't impressed. Several drunks behind us gave a couple of WHOOOOOPPEES when she sang. She was so tickled and grinned a big ole toothy grin.

Nothing happened at the concert and a good time was had by all. I thought our friend might try to get us backstage after the concert, since she is a member of George's fan club, knows George and his wife, and has a photo of him sitting in one of her "red corvettes." But we went home instead and crawled into bed. Got up early the next morning and packed the car and headed back up the mountain -- Home Again, Home Again, Jiggedy Jog.

The trip home was pretty uneventful too. It's a long way but with the GPS' help we made it just fine -- no wrong turns. We bitched and moaned about all the things we needed to do before heading to the Wedding Reception for Karman and Bridget (my girls) in Connecticut and we had just one day to do it all.

The really sad thing is that we never once got on the BEACH. That is sinful. We will do better next time and I promise there will be some funny stories to make you laugh out loud.

Happy Trails