Somewhere down the road Judy said that she was hearing a funny noise. I told her she was deaf. She has a terrible head cold, sinus infection or allergies. She had to rake and blow her leaves the weekend we were to leave and all the dust went up into her damn brain. She rode with me with toilet paper sticking out of each nostril to prevent her nose from dripping on her clothes. She said it only drips if I bend my head over. I told her to quit bending her damned head over. You can hear the laughter now. What a pretty sight we must have been. Two fat women, speeding down the road, loud music coming from within this hot rod and the blond riding shotgun had a wad of toilet paper hanging out of each nostril. No wonder men were trying to pick us up everywhere we went. Hell, we hadn’t even gotten to the Beach yet. Wait till the Bikers saw us.
Anyway, back to the noise. Judy says is that a plane? Do you think a plane could be tracking our every move? If we go to our condo and come out and the plane is circling then they are after us. I said there is no damned airplane. She said WHAT, then what is that noise I hear. I said it is your fuckn head roaring. She said Shut up, Gail -- Is it your tires? I said I don’t hear anything unusual. She said, in her LOUD/HATEFUL VOICE, Gail YOU ARE DEAF!! Then she gets worried it is a tire, or maybe a bearing. God, she isn’t going to quit till I stop the damned car.
I continue to drive and we are tapping our toes to the music and I see a sign that reads N.C. Zoo. I have heard it is a great zoo. We never stop once we get in the car to go somewhere and we have said we are going to do better. So unbeknownst to Judy I take the exit and she is alarmed because it was not her idea. She thinks the worst. That’s what the shotgun rider is supposed to do, I think. Or be like a girl scout and always be prepared. She wanted to know what the hell I was doing. Told her I was going to the N.C. Zoo. She told me I was loosing it and it was all because of my new medication. Also, that new medication was making me HATEFUL! We drive a short distance down a two-lane road, hang a right and see a sign that reads Zoo straight ahead. As I start down the road Judy said Gail, I’m not kidding, something is seriously wrong. The airplane is back and you need to stop this damned car. So I stopped the damned car, right in the middle of the road. (of course, I looked in the mirror first, I am always aware of my surroundings). She uttered some unrepeatable words after her whiplash and we sat there laughing for a few minutes and she once again told me how hateful I was. So we continued down the road and there was a church and a parking lot and it was Sunday and there were some guys standing around smoking. You know where I go, right….. Sure you do... into that parking lot like a bat out of hell.
Judy yells, where are you --- God, why? I said well you want someone to check the tires and by God, there stand two men. She said well, they need to run along beside the car as we drive to see the tires. WTF???? I never heard of that. But where I am HATEFUL -- SHE IS ALL KNOWING (or a know it all). So these to guys are hanging outside the church with their shirttails out, bellies over their belts and cigarettes dangling from their lips. As we rumble up beside of them they both take the cigarettes out of their mouths and I roll down the window to ask them to run along beside of us in the parking lot and I get tickled and only get would you run along beside me out and Judy has to finish the sentence and she was tickled too. Now anyone could tell that these good ole boys hadn’t run anywhere for a long time. They weren’t that old, but they hadn’t run. You could look at the size of the belly hanging over the belt, the hem of the pants under their shoe heel wasn’t even worn out and the crotch in their pants was way to low to allow them to run fast, much less beside a car in a church parking lot.
The good ole boys took a deep drag, at the same time, off their cigarettes and said which tire? Since I am the HATEFUL one, and was in a church parking lot, I said HELL, WE DON’T KNOW, check ‘em all. Judy and I were ready to explode. They walked in front of my car, stood in front of the left front wheel and said THIS 'UN HAS SOME SLACK. I said WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? The other one said THIS 'UN HAS SOME SLACK. He took his lead from the first guy I think. I said WHAT THE HELL IS SLACK (remember still in a church parking lot, but I am HATEFUL, because of medication only). They looked at each other and then one of them said you need some air. We tried to look serious and thanked them. They stuck out their chests, as if they had done something. They were proud. I put the car in gear, revved it up, and off we went. We laughed as we headed down the road. When we came to the fork in the road we saw a little country filling station. SHAZAM it had an air tank too. For seventy-five cents we could get 5 minutes of air. The wind was chilly and I jumped out (cause I am fast on my feet) and read the instructions, Judy handed me 3 quarters and I took the cover off of the tire nozzle. Bending over on my head was a treat, and no way could I make that air hose fit on the nozzle. I started cussing, as air was coming out of the tire and the tire didn’t even look like it needed air. What the hell was wrong with me? Why did I immediately start putting air in the tire they said had some slack? It was contagious? Judy heard the cussing and came to my rescue.
I am not sure if I have ever said this before but Judy is really particular about her hair. If you have seen my pictures you can tell that I am not. So here we are, both standing on our heads looking at the tire, she is trying to get the gauge on the nozzle and I see her hair sprayed hair blow from the back of her head over the top of her head and cover her face. I start laughing hysterically, because I am hateful (only because of my medication).
Back on the road and the noise (or airplane following above) is still with us. I told Judy that she really needs to draw a good breath and talk about something besides that damn sound for awhile. We actually made good time this trip. Didn't even need a map nor the GPS. Drove right up to our condo building but knew that we had to drive to the garage underneath to unload everything. I hate parking garages. So down the ramp we go, find the place where the buggies and luggage carts are located and take deep, deep breaths. This garage is open to the ocean in the back and it is really cold and the wind is whipping our hair back and forth, and especially Judy's hair. I have to look away from her and stifle a laugh. My car's shocks must have been pushed to the limit. We made 6 trips with the luggage and grocery carts. We had very little food and more plastic bags than luggage. Once we unloaded everything on the 6th floor we headed back to move the car in front of the condo.
We hurriedly unpacked (I have no idea why), and hooked up our computers. Judy's first move was to call her daughter and tell her we made it and all about the noise. That only worried her daughter that we would probably be killed around town or on our way home. The good thing was that her daughter knew some people who had moved here and was going to see if they had found someone to do their car work yet. BEHOLD! BEHOLD! They had. She got their number.
The next day we did some touring and shopping and as we were passing a Walmart I made a quick turn and went into their garage. A mechanic came out and I asked him to check our tires. Before he could speak Judy starts telling him about this airplane noise. He stops her (FINALLY SOMEONE COULD) and checks our tires. He told me the front two were a starting to pull apart (with dry rot) and were out of alignment and one had a roofing nail in it. The back two were in pretty bad shape as well. He told us he would see what kind of tires he had that would fit my DINGBAT MOBILE. He only had Goodyear tires. Judy said HELL NO that she did NOT like Goodyear tires and that she had Michelin tires. I went to get something out of the trunk while he and Judy spoke. I got in and Judy said “he whispered that we should go to Sears because he doesn't like Goodyear tires either”. I know that guy is still trying to figure out which one of us owns the car and which one SHOULD be making the decisions.....
Our next mission was to find Sears 2 blocks away before 7 p.m. It was then 5 p.m. We found a Sears representative who was a native Virginian. After giving him a hard time for 15 minutes and making him talk to my son, Frank, for another 15 minutes about matching INTERNET prices, we walked next door to the mall and were told to return in 1 hr and 15 minutes. While we were gone they were installing some Japanese tires and I bought 3 and got 1 free. YAYYYYY for Frank. I managed to use my credit card several times in the mall and Judy sat inside the Mall in a comfy chair and “rested her eyes”. We picked up the car and paid over $500 and hit the road again. After about 20 minutes on the road that damned airplane was back over top of us again. After a few expletives we decided to get a few groceries. Judy was not happy. Hell, I was the one who had just spent $500, talk about unhappy. As I pulled into the grocery store parking lot the “low tire” light came on and I went CRAZY. New tires and the LOW TIRE LIGHT comes on. I called Sears and told them through clenched teeth about the problem They said if it doesn't go off automatically bring it by tomorrow. They did not know we were 30 miles away from their shop nor did they give a shit.
The next morning we called the shop that had been recommended to us. They said certainly, they would be happy to check our car out. Judy and I both though, yea I bet you will be. They gave Judy the directions and off we went. We were also going to meet a friend of ours who had just arrived here the night before. The Carolina Car Care (CCC) Garage was located in a Town called Murrells Inlet. We had certainly been there before, been lost there before and had eaten bad food there before. It's not a very big place, but big enough for us to get lost. So Jimmy, our new friend at the CCC Garage and Judy had a plan. We drove to Murrels Inlet and finally ran out of road. Then Judy and I had a few words about her not understanding directions. We turned around and headed back to the main highway. She called Jimmy again. He asks her where we are at that time. She tells him we are at the HOT FISH HOUSE. He asked if we were eating? Judy assured him we were not but we were still lost. He also did not recognize the name of any of the places she mentioned. OH GOD, PLEASE HELP ME – DON'T LET ME KILL EITHER OF THEM TODAY! Judy had called him at least 5 times within the hour. By this time, we were almost back to the main road and I saw a Gun Shop with men on the front porch and I made a quick turn into their drive. There were at least 7 men on the porch and I made Judy ask for directions. So they sent one of their younger fellows out. I could see his elbows working, his bulging stomach and could hear him. I heard him give her directions 3 times but could not tell which was he was pointing. As we headed out of their lot I had to stop for traffic. I noticed an old car I had commented on when we first went down that road. So I was giving it the eye again and realized it was parked in front of a Biker's Bar I have heard about for years but had never seen. The name of the Bar is “SUCK, BANG AND BLOW” Is that cool or what? So I was really stoked. So at the traffic light I asked Judy which way were we supposed to go? She got upset and said you heard him too. Then I knew we were in trouble. I told her I had heard him but I didn't know which way his arms were pointing as he talked and since her head was laying on his belly, surely she must have seen the direction he pointed. So she was huffy and said take a left. We did and of course after 20 miles we knew that was wrong. I said that I was going to turn around an go back to that traffic light and rather than turn left, as we had done, I was going to go through it. Well I made the turn too quickly but knew how to get back where I wanted to be. So I had never been told the street name or road name just places to turn. HOW STUPID.
So I was now on a different highway and I pulled over into the lot of a STRIP JOINT. I took the phone and called the CCC Garage. Jimmy answered the phone. I said “Jimmy, different woman, but same car.” I am at the Pink Pony Strip Joint, where the hell are you? He said FANTASTIC. Get out of that lot, go to the light and across that highway (straight across) and you will pass two buildings (which he named) and our garage is on the left. I said, “OK JIMMY, I WANT YOU TO STAND OUT AT THE ROAD AND WHEN YOU SEE AND HEAR A SILVER IMPALA WITH TWO GOOD LOOKIN WOMEN HEADING YOUR WAY, YOU HAD BETTER JUMP UP AND DOWN AND WAVE YOUR ARMS. He said YES MAM! Guess, what. He sure did. I had told Judy that if I did not like the looks of the place I would keep on going, without even slowing down, even if he was jumping up and down. I liked the looks of the garage and pulled into the driveway. Judy had almost told him twice on the phone that she that she thought it was a wheel bearing and I kept saying shhhhhhh, shut up, let them figure it out and she would be quiet. Jimmy wanted to ride in the car with us and he gets in the back seat. He let us know he wanted to enjoy the vision of riding with two beautiful women. Did I mention that Jimmy was also full of shit? Then he wanted to know if we were sisters. I said NO and Judy said YES. He said well, I'm confused. Then we laughed and told him NO. So the minute we took off, Judy spilled her guts about thinking it was a wheel bearing and that's what my son thought too. I said JESUS CHRIST. You should have waited to see if they were smart enough to figure it out by themselves. He said yes, mam – you are so right about that. So we drove around and he listened. Then he told me I drove too fast, and he tried to tell me when to put on my signal light. I told him he needed to be quiet and he laughed and said he would. Judy told him I was hateful and she thought it was mainly because of my medication but that I was hateful anyway.
We finally arrived back at his shop and I ask for a price quote. He gave me one of $219. I told him I would check with my son and call him the next day. It was almost 10 a.m. by the time I had showered and dressed and run it by Frank and Judy had run it by her mechanic at home. Everyone agreed that was a good price and to have it done. Hell, Frank said I should have them both done, because the other one would certainly be going soon. If he had sent me $219 I probably would have. but he didn't so I had them buy one bearing. Jimmy said he would go pick up the part and how long would it take me to get “there today”? I said well I am 30 some miles away and hopefully I won't get lost, but I'm not making promises. I hope to make it by 10:30. Before I left the house I asked Judy whether or not I should take the Bypass or go the way we went yesterday (stupid of me). No, No – don't take the bypass she said. So I ended up where we were yesterday. But remembered we hadn't gone far enough the first time. So I went 10 more miles and realized I was on my way to Charleston, S.C. God, I was mad. So I turned around, headed back the way I had come and I was looking for the Pink Pony. I never saw the damn place. I pulled into the Post Office and called Jimmy. He heard my voice and laughed. I said Dammit Jimmy, this isn't funny. He asked where we were. I said I AM ALONE THIS TIME. I told him I was at the post office by the Japanese restaurant. He said UT OH, you've gone too far. I had a few choice words then. He said it's okay honey, turn around, go through two traffic lights and under the overpass and at the 3rd light you will see the road. I said hell, I have been that way and did not see any overpass. He said well it's there. Okay, I turn around and go through the lights and did not see any overpass but by God I WAS headed to Charleston again. Then, Jimmy called me and said “WHERE YOU AT” and I told him I was headed south towards Charleston. He said Law, that is wrong. I thought you was headed North. I asked why the hell he would think that? He said he was so sorry. Well for me to turn around and keep coming back till I did see the overpass and when the road splits for me to GO UNDER THE OVERPASS. So sure enough, this time I saw it and what do you think I did? Take a guess, please take a guess, I took a right and did not go under the overpass. I kid you not. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME. Been around Judy too long, I think. So I knew that there wasn't that much distance between the two roads and I cut through two hamburger joints and a mall and was right across from the PINK PONY. HURRAY. As I pulled into the CCC Garage, I blew the horn all the way to the front door.
Now for the story on our residence for a month. We usually stay at The Regency Towers, older condos but very nice and we like the people who stay there and the guys at the front desk (they are young, of course we like 'em. Judy had made our reservations last year as usual and later on in 2009 we checked the computer and looked at photos of all the condos and tried to choose one had not stayed in before. So that done we started saving our money for the fall. Around August Judy called and said "you are gonna be pissed". Then she told me why. Well, she was right and I was. The Regency had won a lawsuit and the plan was to revamp the place. Not only were they resurfacing the whole outside of the building which looked like a sprayed on stucco, but they were tearing out the old railings along the outdoor walkways on each floor, fixing the balcony railings and LOW AND BEHOLD, in the two-bedroom condos the master suite would now have a whole outer wall of ceiling to floor windows. You can look out and think you are standing on a rooftop looking at the ocean. Oh it is beautiful. The fellows gave us a key to check one out and now we are so anxious to be there next year. Where was I? Oh I know....the new place we are in is a RESORT. Right.
Judy had been on Craig's List looking for another place for us to stay and found a lady who had a condo near North Myrtle (which Judy does not like) for rent. Judy advised her that we were coming down her the first of October looking for a place and if possible we would stop by. She lives in Fairfax and said that was fine she would be here anyway. So we looked at about 10 places (through realtors) and they did not measure up to we had become accustomed to. We like a lobby, desk clerks, and guards, and a locked lobby. On our way to Ocean Creek Resort for our appointment, we stopped at two really nice, new condos that had good prices and told them we would come back for the tour after we were finished. Mistake, (I made a snappy decision). MY FAULT.
We found the Ocean Creek Resort and had to stop at a Guard Shack and let them do a PAP SMEAR before we could enter (joke) and drove back to the Condos. There were many different facilities as we drove down the road. There were tennis apartments, wooden lodges, conference centers, restaurants, and a North Tower and a South Tower. We were meeting in the North Tower. Judy either didn't have the directions with the room number or had stored it in her MEMORY BANK (which had just just down due to power outage). She thought maybe the floor was 6 but the letter that followed the 6 was what was giving her the problem. Aha, she decides it is A. Now these condos have plantation doors on the outside of the condo door. Is that stupid or what? If your plantation door is locked how in the hell can you see through the peep hole to see who is knocking? Poor planing on someone's part. So of course we are snickering all the way to the door and Judy wants me to knock and I tell to knock since it is her plan. I said open the damn door so she can see who it is. The woman's voice on the other side of the door says "who is it" -- Judy, the smart one, says "Maya" (the woman we were to meet) and the woman once again says "who is it" and Judy says "Maya it's Judy." Okay by then I need a bathroom because I am so tickled at how stupid Judy is acting. She could have said Judy and Gail here for our 2 p.m. appointment. But nooooo. She rode that little yellow bus for too many years. The woman opens the door with that deer in the headlight look and says she thinks we are at the wrong apartment. I wanted to say YA THINK? So Judy thanks her and we turn around and burst out laughing and I called her a bunch of names and Judy was explaining to me why she did that. It made perfect sense to her...So as we are arm in arm stumbling back up the hall, Maya comes out of her condo which is H (sounds like A, doesn't it). Said she thought she heard something and plus we had called her from the parking lot. I guess had she known how stupid we were she would have met us in the lobby. She got a good laugh out of our blunder as well. She even said we were a lot of fun, she could tell. Wonder if it was the drool running out of the corners of our mouth or the pee running down our legs?
So Maya took us into her beautiful summer place. She did not have an ocean front, but an ocean view. Her balcony seemed to wrap around the whole building. Party, Party. She explained that we were in the North Tower and across the creek there was the South Tower. Several times we talked about the South Tower, she pointed out their pool, and talked about the SWASH where the water from the ocean comes up over part of the sand and has cut a small stream in between another condo tower partially in front of us. There were some men gigging flounder as we watched. You will understand the reason to my madness of talking about the South Tower so much in a moment. So we were on the balcony for 10-15 minutes as she pointed out the outdoor pool for the North Tower, the outdoor pool for the South door that also had a heated indoor pool that opened into it. Then she grabs a ring of keys and off we go to look at not just one condo but four.
Maya explains that people were impressed with the way she had been able to keep the condos rented and they had asked her to rent theirs as well so they didn't have to go through a rental agency. So we looked at the first three and they were nice but we didn't like the furniture (not comfy) or something. Women can always find something to bitch about. But the last one, that we had come to look at in the first place was the one she said was hard to rent. It had belonged to an older couple and they were both dead and the son lived in Idaho and never got down her and did not want to sell it yet. So she asked if we wanted to make an offer. Well it was nice, it had some furniture like I had from my mother's and I don't even like antiques. It was my turn to get the master suite anyway and it had a huge balcony, the swash, pools, etc. Soooo, rather than discuss it and get back to her or discuss it with Judy when she said make me an offer -- Damnit, I did and she said SOLD! At that time I was so proud. We gave her a deposit and could rest easy now that we had our place for November.
So we arrived, and the 2nd day in between car trouble and garages and mechanics I decided to check out the pool. Judy said well we are going out anyway, why don't we drive over there and check it out. Sure sounded like a plan. We drove over and went in and didn't see a damned soul. We got on the elevator and realized there was no pool or garage level? So we open the elevator door and got back out. I smelled chlorine and we walked towards some steps and I told Judy to case the joint while I go down the steps. Down there I found a 3 foot deep pool with an opening to the outdoor pool and a hot tub. The pool was cold. There were two women sitting around the pool but they never saw me. So I grunt and moan and pull myself up those steps and tell Judy that is no pool and let's get out of there. I was really getting pissed by then. On our way to town, I bitched a whole lot.
That night I was still pissed. So I fixed a glass of wine and wrote Maya. She is very nice and wrote right back. She apologized for the oversight and the misunderstanding and wanted to tell me where the heated, indoor pool, for everyone was. Ahhhhhh, now I had a glass of wine and a smile on my face. All was well, I was happy again, Judy was happy if I was happy.
The next morning after breakfast, I finally got my swimsuit up over hips and put my straw hat on my head, got my towel, my beach cover up on and off I go. I thought I had those directions down pat. HA What the hell. I followed the walkway to the sign that read PRIVAT PROPERTY: SOUTH TOWER PROPERTY GUESTS ONLY. Well, maybe I go around that South Tower -- no, that is marsh and I sure as hell am not walking through snake country. Damnit, well maybe I need go go through the South Tower -- It is such a warm and friendly place. As I walked to the front doors, where we had been before the sign reads: PRIVATE PROPERTY, SOUTH TOWER RESIDENTS ONLY. Now I am no longer concerned, I am really pissed off. I stand there for a few moments and I see a wall phone with everyone's number on it and then I see SECURITY #0. Security will help, right -- that's what they get paid for. The conversation follows: HIM: SECURITY ME: Sir, I am at the entrance to the South Tower and I am staying at the North Tower. Where is the community pool? HIM: You are trespassing. Get off that property at once. ME: I would like to but first I need to find the pool. HIM: It is up beside the restaurant and then he slammed the phone down. COLOR ME REALLLY, REALLLY PISSED!
I truly had to get myself under control or someone was gonna die or get hurt. I was seething and sweating profusely. I had my phone but was tooo mad to call Judy and share with her. So I start walking. I didn't know where the damned restaurant was. This property is all wooded and the main road is a 1 1/2 lane paved road that runs in and out of the property. There are signs pointing to West Lodge, East Lodge, Tennis Court, Outdoor Pool, Conference Center, Security..... So I started walking slowly and stopped and watched a couple of squirrels playing just to keep from crying (I was reallly pissed). Then I see a sign that reads 4 Seasons Restaurant. Okay, I must be near the pool, here is the restaurant. I go in the restaurant and it is empty. They have those containers with burners under them all set up, lit, tables set, music playing, a TV on in the bar but not one fucking soul was anywhere to be found. I went everywhere but into the bathrooms or kitchen. I knew I was going to start fuming all over again.
I manage to get out in the parking lot of the restaurant before I call Judy. Then I was furious again. Judy listened while called the Security guy everything but a WHITE MAN and I was headed toward the SECURITY GUARD SHACK and I was loaded for bear.
So I get huffing and puffing and looking for the indoor pool. I happened to see two elderly ladies walking towards me. I just stopped and waited for them to get closer to me. They were all smiles and asked if I was lost. Thank goodness I was able to bite my tongue. I said I was just walking around looking for the pool. They told me to walk with them and they would take me right to it. I tried to slow my breathing down so they wouldn't think I was having a heart attack. It took us about 15 minutes and I'll be damned, nowhere near the restaurant, but behind the Library, was the pool. I thanked them and walked towards the pool. I got inside and looked around. Not impressive. The pool was grungy looking and there was a fellow climbing out and heading towards the hot tub. I unloaded everything on a table and got my purple noodle and got into the semi-warm pool. When someone tells me a pool is heated, I think that is at least lukewarm. NOT! I get into the pool looking around for roaches and bugs. Didn't see any bugs. I did swim under the rope separating deep water from shallow. So I was still trying to calm down and the water was doing it. I started doing some water aerobics and loosening up. Getting somewhat happier by the minute. Every now and then I would glance around to see where the hot tub fellow had gone to. Too many women are being abducted or killed to suit me so I am careful of my surroundings. I heard a big splash and saw him getting out of the hot tub. I was thinking I probably couldn't fight him off in the water, but I could gouge his eyes out and scratch him with my fake nails. "Yea, Come Get You Some". Well he jumped in and I knew this was it. He looked at me and asked if I minded if he unhooked the rope. I thought this is it! He is going to try and strangle me with it and drown me. So I said help yourself and I started backing up like a crab. Nails are ready to tear him apart at any given moment still. As he unhooks the rope, the outside door opens and the custodian comes in and they speak to each other. Oh My God, they have been sitting in wait for their prey -- I walked into their trap. They talk for a few minutes and the custodian goes upstairs to a closet and I am holding my breath. He comes back down the steps with a rag in his hand and he is pouring something all over it. OH MY GOD, it is probably ether or something to keep me quiet. They continue talking about some woman's birthday party that night at the conference center and the custodian is walking around the pool to my side. I do the crab crawl sideways. The custodian picks up the rope with the buoys on it and starts cleaning the chlorine off of them. Hmmm, he wasn't going to try to abduct me after all. It was a good damned thing -- cause he was going to be seriously disfigured when I got finished with him. My God, I could not relax at all. Then I noticed another splash and the hot tub guy is getting out of the pool. My guard goes up again. He walks over to the shower and starts rinsing off. He was taking too much time to suit me -- just to wash the chlorine off. So I have my eyes on both of them and get the hell out of the pool. The hot tub guy is toweling off and putting on his shorts and flip flops and leaving me in there with the custodian with the ether. I grabbed my hat, got my shoes on and got out of there. Walked down the sidewalk the same way the women were heading when they dropped me off. I could then see the path to my condo building. THANK YOU JESUS. I haven't been back to the pool but I intend to. The one nice thing (there is only one nice thing about that pool) is that there is a huge window on the back and you can see the birds and squirrels in the live oak trees looking at you.
When that ordeal was over I came home, mixed a drink and relayed it all to Judy. She felt sorry for me (sure she did). She said from now on I will go sit with you so you feel safe and keep you company. Now her favorite thing to do is read and sit in an easy chair and there is no easy chair at that nasty pool. So far I have not been back up there but I do plan to. After going through all that with the assine security guard, finding the pool, the pool and everything else I wrote to Maya and ask if she would refund our money. I explained the reasons to her and she said certainly that she didn't want anyone to be unhappy. She said she would be coming down here the next day and would refund the money. Judy and I went out that night and discussed the pros and cons and decided it was not worth it to pack, move and unpack all this stuff again. So I sent her another e-mail and told her we would stay. She was so happy and knew we were gonna like it once we gave it a chance. FAT ASS CHANCE. So here we are.
Yesterday was fun. After lunch we decided to get out and do some shopping, spend some coins at the Flea Market where we could buy some more of our favorite knives. Especially since Judy packed hers and left them at home. I packed Mrs. Butterworth's Syrup and Mustard and left it at home too. So we purchased some syrup, knives and mustard. I was out of cash and had to find an ATM and Judy was famished and wanted to have a veggie burger. I had fixed them at home the night before. So we went to Cheeseburger in Paradise. Not as good as mine and cost a hell of a lot more too. We were craving sugar so we made a quick stop at a Krispy Kreme for some donuts to grill in the frying pan -- YUMMMMMM YUMMMMMM. Actually that was our 2nd trip to KK. When we took our friend to the Olive Garden we stopped at Krispy Kreme because the RED HOT NOW light was on. We can never pass that up. Hell, I have run across median strips to reach a KK that had the red hot light on. So Janis and Judy were a little alarmed when I made a quick turn into the parking lot. There was one couple in the shop drinking coffee. I jumped out to get us each 1 HOT glazed donut. As I got almost to the front door a car pulled up beside mine. I held the door to the KK shut and held up my hand as if I was stopping traffic. I yelled STOP PLEASE. They both looked at me. Judy and Janis started shaking their heads and laughing. The woman laughed and the man did not. I said stay inside your car please. THERE ARE NO DONUTS AT THIS TIME. STAY INSIDE YOUR CAR. THEN I RAN INSIDE AND HELD THE DOOR TO KEEP THE WOMAN OUT. She was busting a gut laughing. I let her in and she said she could tell I liked to have fun, just like her. She had spent the day with her mother-in-law and husband in Charleston and almost killed both of them. Tomorrow as her day ALONE! I saw the Krispy Kreme hats and we each put one on. The lady waiting on us was so tickled. She said ya'll know this is fun. I had already raised hell with her because she said the HOT DONUTS wouldn't be ready for 4 minutes. I said you should never turn that red light on till you take the first hot donut out. She said ok. So I grabbed my $20 worth of donuts (not just one hot one each) and wore my hat out and made Judy and Janis put one on too. They were still laughing. They wanted to know what that woman said because they did see her laughing. Janis said while I was doing all that crazy stuff the husband was breathing oxygen or something out of a hose he was holding over his mouth. I said maybe he thought it was a HOLD UP. He should have driven off. That's what I would have done if my husband had gotten out when some crazy woman was saying stop, stop.
NOVEMBER 21, 2009
Today is Saturday and we have pretty much been slugs the whole week. On Thursday night we decided we would mail some cards, buy a wedding gift for the Police Chief of Monroe County, who married a cop in Arizona. She surprised us with an e-mail of wedding pictures. She is one smart cookie, that Debra. After shopping Judy needed some ribs so off to Sticky Fingers we went. OH MY GOD, that place smells terrific. Did I mention that the first time we saw the place we thought it was a bakery and almost turned the car over getting to it. Well by now you all know it is a bbq place. Reminds Judy of the ribs we ate in Memphis, home of bbq ribs. From eating ribs we went to Barefoot Landing shopping. That is almost across the street from our "Resort". We shopped around there, I bought some glittery earrings for the girls at the shop where I have my nails done and then we came home and relaxed. You get so tired when you do nothing. On Friday I made another trip to a new grocery store (for me, at least) a Bi-Lo. Needed some whole cloves to make pork bbq for sandwiches this week until Thursday, then it is pork tenderloin that we will call turkey. Then on Monday we will be loading up and heading home. I have been bored, no pool.
So today, Saturday we decided we wanted to go back down to Murrells Inlet where we had the wheel bearing put in the tire --- surely you remember that. Judy and I have argued back and forth over instructions ever since. Today I let her tell me over and over til she got really loud the RIGHT way to get there and then I PROVED HER WRONG. SHE IS OVER THE HUMILIATION NOW. I'm still rubbing it in. What are friends for? WHAT?????? Anyway the purpose of today's trip was to take a photo of the Bar, Suck, Bang and Blow. As we head down the road, I almost turned into the Beaver Bar, hot damn, I hadn't even see that one. We were two excited ladies. So I whipped the car into the SB&B Bar and turned the engine off. I grabbed the camera and then we noticed a cute blonde sitting in a rocking chair around a big metal tub. I got out and said "HI" and she said "HI". We asked her name and it was Nikki. I asked if she would take our picture with the Suck, Bang and Blow Bar sign. As she stood up and walked towards us we could tell she had been drinking. I handed her the camera and told her what we wanted. She slurred when she said sure. Well the first picture she took only got part of the sign and not the SB&B part. I had to reprimand her and she said ok, she would do better. So she had us move to higher ground and sure enough that picture was good. We asked if she would take another picture of us with the Beaver Bar sign behind us. There were some bikers in that lot and she wanted to call them over. We said HELL NO, take the picture and be quiet (I said that, not Judy).
As we headed back towards our car she spotted a "sissy" bike and she said ya'll get on that and I will take your pictures. I said NO that is a sissy bike. Ok, she said I will get on it and you all stand beside it. We said no, we didn't want that bike in our pictures. As we continue back towards our car I saw an old antique ford that had caught my eye once before. I said I want a picture of that. She said good, get in it and I will take your picture. I said Hell No. I have no idea who that car belongs to. As we were arguing over who was going to get in the antique (which was probably locked) I saw a long haired blonde guy amble out and lean on a table and watch us. I thought either this is his car, he is trouble or wants to fight. Judy and I were laughing at Nikki telling her if she got in that damned car we were not going to take her picture but would once the POLICE ARRIVED.
By then the blonde guy was beside us. He had had his share of booze too. His shirt was opened and he had a big grin on his face and a smoker's gravely voice. He said HEY YALL. WHAT'S UP. Then Nikki introduced us to her husband, Harold.
He laughed all the time. He said for us to take a picture of him by the car. Then Harold said he wanted to take his clothes off -- I said drop 'em. Nikki said no Harold, No. Harold was going to drop 'em but I was busy turning my camera back on and had I been quicker, guess what we could be looking at now! Harold insisted on taking a picture of the three of us girls and then insisted on buying us a beer inside Suck, Bang and Blow.
Well, what the hell -- there were no cars or bikes in the parking lot so surely we would be safe in the hands of two drunks. We walked in to a huge dark room, tables loosely scattered around the room, music playing, a porn movie playing on a TV on a wall behind the bar. So Harold got some more bar stools and we all "bellied" up to the bar. Harold called the female bartender Baby and told her to give the two ladies whatever they wanted to drink, "on him". YAYYYYY. The bartender had a butterfly patch at the corner of her mouth and a bruised mouth. I really wanted to know what happened to her. Judy and I both ordered long neck Budweisers and the bartender popped the tops and set them up on the bar for us. Harold was so happy and couldn't quit grinning. He first asked where we were from. I told him Virginia. He said oh, like "BY GOD, VIRGINIA"? I told him that was "WEST BY GOD, VIRGINIA". We all had a huge laugh over that one. He had never heard of Blacksburg, but he had heard of Michael Vick and the dog fighting!!! Harold looked over at Judy and said Damn, you know who you look like? Judy said who? He told her CHER? Judy said I think you must be blind. He said No, you do, especially with those sunglasses on. Judy replied, I look more like Sonny and that got a huge laugh out of everyone. For a few minute Nikki and Harold talked to each other and Judy was watching Harold smoke his Marlboro cigarette. She said damn, I want a cigarette. I said hell no. She said yes I do and as she reached over I tried to hold her back. Harold looked around and said what you want Baby? Judy said I am dying for a cigarette. Well GOD. Rather than giving her a cigarette -- Harold gives her the one out of his mouth. I would have said, I just changed my mind -- but noooo, not Judy. She took that damned cigarette and took a deep drag off of it and blew the smoke a mile up in the air. I told Harold that the last time she smoked a cigarette she threw up off her deck. He said "did you Judy"? She laughed and said yes. He laughed even harder. (On our way home I asked Judy how she could take that cigarette that had been in his mouth? She laughed and said Hell Gail, the beer would kill any germs on the cigarette). She is a wild one. He really liked Judy. While we sat and chatted, there were two guys on the other side of the bar. One of them bought Harold and Vikki a beer. I am sure they did it to impress us. Harold wanted us to take a picture of him and we did. We had things to do and had to break the news to Harold that we had to take off. He did not want us to leave. Wanted us to have just one more drink. Lots of fun and lots of blog material.
ALMOST FORGOT!!! WE HAVE PICTURES THAT I WILL PUT ON LATER. YOU ARE GONNA LOVE'EM.
Before SUCK BANG AND BLOW we took a side trip. We saw two signs together pointing to a Craft Show and a Dog Park. OH GOD, I love Dog Parks. The first one I had ever been to was in Los Angeles. Karman and I went to one and it was so much fun. We went w/o a dog. Today we went straight for the dog park. I was so excited I almost ran over some old man. He didn't look too friendly anyway. We parked the car and two women parked on either side of us. Big dog in each car. I could hardly wait to get in the gate. Smart people built that park, not one but two gates to actually get into the small dog park and the big dog park. Well you all know me well enough to know that I was waving and grinning and all the dogs. A lab and a beagle came running towards us up the sidewalk. Helllllllllo, I said and then I noticed the lab was covered with mud. The beagle was clean and precious. He just wanted a hug and a pat. As we got closer to their owners (women) sitting on a bench, we saw where the dark mud came from. Their automatic watering bowl. Huge bowl with a pipe and handle and if the bowl emptied you could refill. Of course if one dog went for water 3 or 4 went. We patted the beagle for a few moments and he got distracted and took off. I heard a snort behind me and there were 3 boston bull terriers behind us. I was going to take their picture but they found a ball and off they went. Their daddy saw I was trying to take their picture and got their asses back of there and had them SIT. While there a beautiful shi-szu (black and white) saddled up and tried to steal the ball and the race was on. It was chilly and I had on shorts and a tank top so we headed back to the car and stopped and visited with poodles on the other side of the fence as we went. What a fun place to go, even without a dog. If you really would like to have a dog to play with but don't have the space, or for some other reason -- find a dog park and go there every day. It will make you smile and make your heart feel warm. Every town should have one.
Then as we moved our car away from the dog park we went to the craft show. There is nothing to say -- it was mediocre.
Well for God's sake. Something really important happened at the beginning of the week. I had a birthday. How in the hell could I omit that? On Monday, the 16th I had my 66th birthday. I was so excited. I not only got E-mail cards, cards in the mail, but I got flowers. I was so surprised. The doorbell rang about 11 a.m. and earlier that day a man had come to spray for bugs. So we had no idea who this was. It was a guy with flowers for Gail. WHOOPEE.... who would send me flowers here. I hurried back into the living room and jerked the card open -- they were from Patti Reilly and Kelly Ford and they live in Boston. How sweet. I immediately wrote them a thank you card. God, I love to get flowers and yet I think it's a waste of money, but I love to send them too. About an hour later the doorbell rang once again and Judy and I made some joke about more flowers -- guess what, IT WAS MORE FLOWERS. Karman and Bridget sent me flowers too. I told Karman when I spoke to her that they were absolutely gorgeous lillys and roses and then I sent both Karman and Bridget and Patti and Kelly a picture of their flowers. Hopefully I will get pixs of those attached here too. Frank and Laura called to wish me a Happy Birthday too. They also sent me a talking card from Timmmmmmmy of South Park. Love that South Park.
TO BE CONTINUED
