GET READY NEW ENGLAND, HERE WE COME

Judy and I had decided it was time for another road trip. We thought of different places we wanted to go and places we could afford to go. We both love to watch COPS on TV ("Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Whatcha Gonna Do, Whatcha Gonna Do....") and decided that we could go somewhere up NORTH and then come back down through New Jersey and meet the cop we love to watch in Passaic, N.J. How hard could that be to find those cops? Piece of cake. So the plan was made. We had never been to Maine, we could go to Maine and I could eat a lobster. Wonder how much that lobster really cost me???

We left home and one morning with no plan but several maps and a GPS in the trunk, where you know we like to keep it. Of course, I was driving and there was not a whole lot to see on the Interstate and we always argue about that. Back roads are fun sometimes -- but Jesus, it takes forever to get where you are going. So we listened to Blues and Country Music and Rock N Roll on the radio and sang along and laughed and talked about "the good ole days" and boys that we couldn't remember their names or blind dates we had gotten for each other. I hope everyone that reads this blog has at least one good friend that you get to do things like this with. The memories will last you a lifetime. Nothing eventful happened as we drove.

On our way to Bar Harbor we stopped at some little town outside of Bar Harbor. I walked back out to our car and a man with a long, grey pony tail was getting into his van beside of me. He said "is that your kaaaa"? I said "No, but it is my CAR" and we both laughed. He said he notice the Virginia Tech stickers on my kaaaa and had heard about the shooting of all those people in Blacksburg, Va. We discussed that for awhile and then his wife came out and opened up the passenger door of the van and asked who he was talking to. By the time Judy got out of the store I had learned that they had met in a Chat Room, both were in the military and they were now married. She said they would really like to stay and chat but had to hurry home because someone had given them two cockatoos and they had to get them in a cage and fed. Judy was amazed when she came out and saw what was going on and that I was once again talking to strangers and in a van, with pony tails. Did my Mother not teach me anything?

WOW, Bay Harbor was really beautiful and the people did talk funny. We wondered if they thought we did too (nahhhh). Checked into a very nice hotel that was surrounded with huge evergreen trees and tennis courts and lots of woods. Sorta looked like we could still be in Virginia. We had already decided we were not going to hang around anywhere too long. As long as you are moving, they can't catch you, right.

Next morning we loaded the car up and headed for Portland. The day was spent in the L. L. Bean Store. That store was great. Of course, we had seen their catalogs for years and even ordered things from them. We parted at the door and I imagine we were in there for at least an hour -- which is pretty long for us to stay in any store. Judy swears she had me paged when she was ready to leave. Hell, I never heard the page (you all know I am deaf anyway) and I was probably saying HUH? HUH? or they were asking me where I was from? So I walked around the store looking for Judy and decided I would ask one of the ladies to page Judy. After the 3rd page for Judy I was ready to see if they would let me announce it myself, at least she could UNDERSTAND ME! I kept walking and found Judy sitting outside on a bench -- Hell, no wonder she didn't respond. I am sure we had words.

While in Portland we went to our FIRST Ben and Jerry's store. That was a treat for us and we enjoyed every minute and savored every bite. From there we went into our first Jockey store. We were in heaven in there as well. What great underwear. I had never worn Jockey until then and if you haven't tried you should. So already, we have made MEMORIES and we have only just begun.

We also took a boat out to see the whales. What a bummer. First of all I had to purchase a hoodie to keep from freezing my ass off (would take a whole lot of freezing to do that too). It was rainy, and breezy on the water. We purchased our tickets and I was chewing Dramamine tablets as quickly as I could. Judy swears she saw a whale or two. I saw a tip of something that someone said was a whale's tail slapping the water as it went down. Coulda fooled me. All I got out of that trip was damp hair and wet shoes. Had never done that before -- another MEMORY...

We had had enough shopping and people and found the waterfront. Hot Damn. I saw a ferry and we both looked at each other and said "DARE WE" and then said Nahhhh. I always carry beach chairs in the trunk cause you never know when you want to get out and enjoy the view. We found a great spot to sit out beside where the boats dock and the ferrys load up. Talk about heaven, honey we were there and lovin every minute. There were other sightseers like us (but w/o chairs and very JEALOUS, you know) and some had dogs. I love dogs and I would say "honey come see your granny" or some other silly baby talk things. The owners usually love that you love their babies or they think you are a stupid idiot. These people were so pleased that we knew the breeds and wanted to visit with their dogs and them. Of course, we chatted about where we were all from and what we were doing. Now as you all also know -- I sometimes can get really carried away and use curse words in a sentence so that you hardly know I've done it. It's normal for me and I love it. So we meet this couple (I know you think you know where this is going, don't ya) and they are fun, nice looking, have a dog and just so personable. Of course, the husband says they are from Kentucky and have just moved to Portland. I then say "WHAT THE HELL FOR?" The husband replies that he just took a job up here and they had come up a month or so ago, found a great house and they were now in the process of moving in and sightseeing. He then told me he was a minister of a church. I said OH JESUS CHRIST. He let out this huge belly laugh. He said, "if I had told you right from the get go I was a minister you would not have been yourself and entertained us." He was so right. Judy and I had the best time with this couple. We devised a plan that when they got on the ferry I would stand up and wave and pretend I was crying and beg them not to leave. Judy shook her head and told them I needed to be in a home. So we enjoyed their company til it was time for them and their doggie to board the ferry. Everything went just as planned as they pulled out they were on the top deck and waving and saying goodbye Judy, goodbye Gail and I start saying don't go and running after the ferry and they are laughing their asses off. What good sports they were for entertaining me. I take Judy along to be the straight (wo)man.

After all that fun we drove down Coastal Highway #1 and spent the night in Biddeford, Me. That's where I had LOBSTER. I told the waiter I did not want to see it in it's shell or see a whisker or a face or a tail. I didn't care how much it cost, but to see if someone could pick it out and put it in a bowl of butter. One of Judy's favorite sayings is "Money is no object." We found a very nice Comfort Suites Motel with refrigerator, couch, just like home. We had decided to spend a couple days and take day trips. As Karman, my daughter tells me "Calm down Bevus". Biddeford is right outside of Kennebunkport, Maine, vacation place of the BUSH family. Not my favorite family. So we fix us a picnic basket and decide to drive around that day and see what Kennebunkport is all about -- what makes it such a HOT PLACE. We never found that out.

For instance, I know that there is some way to get to the beach. We never found the path or the beach. All we found were the huge boulders that prevented you from even seeing a beach or parking near it. We drove around and around and around. We began to get hungry. There were families on bicycles heading to the beach and lots of walkers and there was no place for us to park. There were some policemen on bicycles ticketing cars for parking illegally though. So right passed a stop sign there are boulders and the water and a cop on a bike. I rolled down my window and ask the policeman if it would be OK if we pulled over in the grassy area beside the stop sign and sat in our chairs and had our picnic. I told him my friend was handicapped and diabetic and we had driven around in circles for at least an hour to try and have a small picnic before we left his beautiful state. He was so pleasant and cute as a button (I might add). So hell, I just parked over by the Stop sign, we unloaded the chairs and the picnic basket and both tried to hobble a little to the chairs and sat under the shade trees and had a great picnic with the sea breeze blowing in our hair. This whole trip was about COPS anyway.... Who knew it would work out so well. His mother taught him to be nice to old women, I bet. This was fun and now we are ready to head 'em up and move 'em out. Our work there was done.

We were ready to head to Massachusetts and had planned to visit a good friend in Boston. Her Mother was very ill during that time so we canned that idea. Closer to Boston we were stopped at a light and a really hot Mustang puled up beside of me and raceed the motor. AWWWWRIGHT, I SAID OUT LOUD. Judy said "Don't you dare race that car cause you will either get us a ticket or get us killed." I laughed at her and called her a name, I'm sure. It turned out the Mustang was driven by a GIRL. DAMNIT! So she is sitting over to my right revvin her engine and there I am in a 6 cyl. automatic Chevy Impala (and not a chance in hell of beating her). She had no idea what I had. So I put my car in neutral and revved it good and loud. Nobody at the light but us. We are out revvin each other and the light changed and she took my ass like Grant took Richmond. Well who didn't know that was gonna happen. I was so tickled and Judy was still muttering. My car is very loud, thanks to my son, Frank. So as the girl left me in a cloud of dust I saw her wave and I waved back. Judy asked what I was doing. I said "she waved" and so did I. Judy said she gave you the finger, stupid. You have to be laughing, at least grinning at that.

We had puttered along really not having a plan and got right in the middle of Boston at RUSH HOUR or close after. MY GOD that was scary!!! We never really get worried about being in a city, how hard can it be to get out of there? Piece of cake, read the signs, (or listen to your GPS, if you have one that is not in your trunk)and you will survive. Of course, I was driving my car and was going with the flow, which had to be 125 mph. Every now and then we would make a pass thru the middle of Boston Judy would periodically let out a scream or a few cuss words. She kept telling me that I was going to get us killed or did I see that car that I just barely missed? Actually, I had not, who knew she had?? It was getting dark and I had been driving a very long time. I was stopped at a traffic light and people kept pointing at us and saying something. We both notice and wondered "out loud" what the hell was going on. Finally a cabbie pulls up and yells TURN YOUR LIGHTS ON. Thank God, that was all it was. But as we kept going Judy asked if I knew I was driving with one eye shut. I told her I did that I couldn't see out of both eyes. Wrong thing to say. I think the one-eyed driving was caused by "stressful driving" or maybe "loosing the race". We began to feel like the Kingston Trio's song -- the MAN WHO NEVER RETURNED. That song, for you youngsters, is about a man who got on the subway and didn't have enough money to get off and get on another train and his wife would go down to the station daily and hand him a sandwich through the window.... well you get the point. We drove around Boston and we would see a sign post but a damn tree limb/leaves were covering up the words. We would keep going 125 mph (going with the flow)I'm not kidding, it was a FAST FLOW -- Yankees drive a lot faster than we do. We would take off on another road and Judy would say, she saw an exit coming up and for me to take it. Off we would go at 65 mph and not know where in the hell we were and we were laughing and listening to music, thinking we had finally gotten off the road and were headed out of Boston. WRONG! Judy would say HANG A LEFT, QUICK and into a damn supermarket parking lot we would go or a shopping center. Once again back on the freeway and when we saw a sign for service stations we got off. The kid working there was no nice and helpful. Told us exactly what to do, where we should get off in order to head to Connecticut, piece of cake. There are nice people every where.

By late afternoon we were winding down and I saw water in the distance and was drawn to it. We drove over to a great scenic area and parked the car. I really think we were in Bridgeport, Conn., but we actually don't know. We had been riding for quite awhile and it took a few minutes for us to get out and straighten up. There was a concrete boardwalk with a couple of benches overlooking the water and boats coming and going. Nice place to take a load off. The benches were full except for one and there was on older gentleman sitting alone and I asked if he minded sharing with us. He was so sweet and small. He was very gracious and we chatted and introduced ourselves. Of course, I had to find out all about him. I was a detective in another life. His name was Larry and he was a widower. He was very lonely and talked about his wife and how he missed her. I asked if he still drove a car and he said he did. He pointed to a huge Buick sitting behind us. I told him if he was so lonely that he should start dating and he shook his head and said no. I said do you go to church and he said sometimes. I told him that he should that church would be full of widows looking for a husband and would love to cook for him and he could take them out and spend some of that money he was hiding on them. He laughed. I kept talking about him going out and having fun. I asked if he had children and he and his wife had had a son but he was now dead. So I pursued other things and he said "DO YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ME"? Well, talk about being taken aback, I was. I told him "HELL NO". He laughed out loud. I think it was at that juncture that I decided to stand up and walk over to the fence and look at the water. He moved closer to Judy and said that I was a Big, Tall Girl. Judy, of course, had to one-up me. She told him she was taller than me. We visited with Larry maybe an hour before we were restless and ready to hit the road again. We took pictures but never asked him for his name or address or anything else. Hell, he probably would not have told us anyway since he thought I wanted to have sex with him. I have a photo of us on my MYSPACE page, I believe. I was much taller than he was and so was Judy.

Now the real fun begins. Judy has taken the wheel since she is not riding with a blind woman any longer. We had plan and that plan was to head to New Jersey, Passaic County, specifically. We left little Larry with a laugh and a smile and headed off into the sunset. Once again, darkness had fallen (a veil of darkness sounds nice doesn't it) and we had no clue where we were, but we did know we were moving right along and almost out of gas. We spot some gas signs coming up and I said take this exit and Judy sees a sign that reads JAMAICA QUEENS, NY. That got a rise out of her. Well the good news was that the gas station was straight ahead, within sight. I jumped out of the car to pump the gas and a nice car pulls up at the other pump with a black man and a woman in the car and when he got out I started asking him questions about New Jersey. As he began speaking, his girlfriend leaned over and gave me the "evil eye" --- whoa, get back. At that same time, another car pulled up in front of me with two black gentlemen in the car. The driver got out and overheard the other man talking to me. He comes over and interrupts the first fellow. Well, that makes the first fellow, with the girlfriend, mad and he gets in his car and leaves. The second fellow said to forget everything I had been told. That I certainly did not want to go the way the first guy had told me to go. I got a slip of paper to write on and he told me when I left the station to go back the way I came in (WHICH MAKES SENSE) and what exit to look for. Judy and I thanked him profusely. He was really a handsome guy. Then he said "WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU WANT TO GO TO NEW JERSEY FOR ANYWAY?" We all laughed. Nice people everywhere.

"On the Road Again, Can't Wait to Get on the Road Again....." Spent the night in New Jersey. YAHOOOOOOOO. Boy were we excited. This is a really long story isn't it. I cannot leave anything out. I don't want you to miss a thing. We would always carry our computers with us and write "the poor people that had to work for a living" and tell them what they were missing. That's why you are getting details here. Although, I did have to get the Atlas out a couple of times.

Next morning we found out where the Police Station was and drove down through a beautiful neighborhood, streets lined with business, homes and trees just, really pretty. We talked about how excited we were going to be and what we would say and what the cop would say when two women walked in to see him. Then we laughed til we cried because we also add other little tidbits I cannot possibly share with you which makes it even funnier. As we drove down this street I mentioned earlier, I saw a Bakery Shop. I can usually smell them before I see them -- but I was excited. So we went into the shop that made me think I had died and gone to heaven. I had coffee and lots of sweets and Judy had water and lots of sweets. Then after my belly was full I told Judy I was buying the cop some sweets cause I could tell he ate them too (it is called BIG STOMACH). So I purchase a huge box of pastries $25-$30 worth for him. We were skipping out of that bakery. I think I might even have had sweaty palms (god forbid). Judy said she would wait in the car (yea, let me see if the dog bites, before she gets out) and if we were in the right place then she would get out. So I go to the Government Office Building/Police Station, and the front door was locked. What the hell. I smelled cigarette smoke and heard men talking (I told you I was a detective in another life, didn't I) and walked around that corner like I knew where I was going. There were 8-9 cops standing around smoking and talking and it all came to a halt when they saw me.. They looked up and everyone got quiet. They asked if they could help me and then I really felt stupid. I said "Oh yes, I am from Virginia, and I came all the way up here to see the policeman on Cops". They laughed and laughed and laughed. They were just jealous, of course. Nobody came from Virginia to see them. They said "Lady, you are looking for the Passaic "COUNTY" police. You will need to drive up to this point, and then over to this point and then you will see construction going on and there will be a police car sitting there. That is a County policeman. He will be able to help you. I thanked them and walked away. Judy said she wondered what in the hell had happened to me. But, you know what.... she never got out of the car to come looking for me.....reallllllllll worrrried.......

I got in the car and told her what smart asses they were and told her the directions they had given me. So I started the car up and off we went, pastries and all. Directions were good though. Found the car, cop sitting in it, and I parked across from him. It was not "our cop". I walked up to his window and damned if he wasn't sitting there watching a movie on a laptop. The movie was the Jessica Simpson one with the two brothers and the race car and their uncle and she has on "short, shorts". So I peck on his window and scare him. No kidding.... He was so damned cute, a short, Italian stallion. I motion for Judy to get out of the car and come over. He is still sitting in his seat, behind the wheel, he had turned the movie off, and I said what in the hell are you doing watching a movie. He said WHERE DID YOU COME FROM? I asked if he was working? I was really brave wasn't I? hmmmmmm, I believe you call that STUPID. He said actually all I have to do is sit here behind the construction site. It is a law that a policeman has to be at each site and he smiled and I melted, and then I ran down into my shoes. So then he gets out of his car, Judy and I have to move out of the way to let him out. He pulls up his belt and his gun (for show, I'm sure) and asks what we need. I don't think I was able to speak for a few minutes. Judy told him about the Cop on Cops, blah, blah, blah. He said well wait a minute and let me check but I think he is on vacation. DARN, DARN and TRIPLE DARN. So what does the Stallion do? He calls the Dispatcher and says he has a 5200 and asks about the other Cop. When he gets off his walkie-talkie I ask him what a 5200 is and he says "a crazy person"... Seems the guy is in Florida on vacation with his FAMILY(he emphasized that), and will be coming home the next day, which is Sunday. So we tell him that we had purchased some pastries for him and would he give them to him tomorrow. SURE THING he said.... (We really aren't that stupid) So I go to the car to get the box and I had a hot pink top on and spilled some confectionary sugar out of the box on my boobs. As I got back up to the stallion I said, uh oh -- cocaine.... Judy laughed out loud. I said "I think you are gonna have to cuff me." He said "nah, I don't think so." He was blushing. Two fat women hitting on him...and he blushes. Love it. I asked if he was married (remember, I was a detective) and he was on his 3rd, and had 6 children. He was just graying around the temples and was really handsome. I believe the Stallion's photo is on MYSPACE as well, should you desire to see. Judy and I still get tickled at the thought of him taking all those pastries either to his kids or other cops, laughing their asses off about us and then telling the cop about his "secret admirers".

Well that plan didn't quite work out the way we wanted but it was a plan and it was fun and we had something to look forward to and something to talk about and entertain people with.

We had planned to stop in Atlantic City and gamble but the weather was nasty and rainy and I was still blind in one eye (as Judy likes to say) and we were worn to a frazzle and out of money from spending it on pastries mainly). So many memories....and so little money.

By the way, in April and May there are 3 upcoming trips. 1 to Myrtle Beach to see Country Singer George Jones (front row seats), 1 to Connecticut to see new in-laws and finally 1 to Memphis to the Jazz and Blues Festival. Can you wait.. I'm gettin stiff-legged just thinking about it.


Happy Trails