LET'S MOVE TO GRENADA WHEN WE RETIRE

My brother, Connie, worked in Richmond, Virginia for Phillip Morris. He was a supervisor and couldn't wait to retire. It was a big issue for both of us as we figured with our family history we would not live to see retirement. Our father had a stroke and died instantly at 50 years of age. Our mother died from brain/ovarian cancer at 58 years of age. Our maternal grandmother died at 58 years of age, as well.

As Connie got closer to retirement he checked his Phillip Morris stock daily to make sure there was going to be plenty of money. Cigarettes were a big business 12-15 years ago. He kept a "little black book" full of figures, that God only knows how he kept up with it. He was very smart and savvy. Around the time he was thinking about Grenada, he had over $600,000 in stock.

Grenada as a retirement home came to light because he had several employees that were originally from Grenada and came to the States to become RICH!!! They cooked special foods and always brought him some to taste. They were thrilled he wanted to go to their country. They truly encouraged him by telling him he would be the richest man on the Island. He loved the idea of being King of the Mountain.

Connie was living with Fran and they decided it was time to go on a vacation. They called me and asked if I would like to go along. YA DAMN SKIPPY, count me in. The husband was not happy -- WHAT? Spend Money? Why would you want to go there? YADDA, YADDA, YADDA. Fran arranged the travel and got the tickets. All I had to do was get to Richmond in time to drive up to Dulles. We stayed at a hotel where we could leave our car, parking was free and there was a shuttle to take us to and from the Airport. We slept in the same room and had a good time. We didn't get there until around 11 p.m. and Connie and I snored all night long (Fran said so).

The next morning we had bagels and coffee in the hotel and boarded the shuttle. I was so excited because this was my first trip out of the country. I didn't have a passport but all I really needed to have was my birth certificate. We all had our birth certificates close to our hearts so they would be safe. We arrived at Dulles, checked our bags and low and behold, took a shuttle bus to another side of the airport. My God, I had never seen anything like that -- yea, I have been sheltered. I was loaded with Dramamine or that shuttle ride to the other side would have made me queasy. It was loaded with people and hot and all over the place. We sat at the other airport for around 1 hour before boarding. Now that I think about it, this was my first jet ride anywhere. REALLY SHELTERED.

Have I told you that Fran talked all the time? I guess she still does too. Haven't seen her in a long time. Well thankfully we were not seated together but even though I am deaf, I heard her running that mouth. I know Connie was glad he was deaf too. He did not have a hearing air (way to vain) and probably didn't hear her or know she was talking unless he was looking at her or she nudged him. Poor thing. So we flew into Puerto Rico. WOW -- that was a beautiful place (from the air anyway). I was afraid that we were going into the water as our plane landed. Connie said that the pilot had to be standing on the brakes. We landed safely and had a layover for an hour or so. We settled in with a drink and waited for our next flight. Connie informed me that we should by some duty free booze too. That wasn't big on my list. When it was time to board our plane to Grenada, I was shocked to see that it was such a small plane. They did serve drinks and food to us on that flight.

The pilot announced when we looked out our window we would see the Caribbean below. OH MY GOD -- it was as beautiful as I thought it would be. Blue green water everywhere. I could hardly wait to land and get in the water.

Next stop Grenada. Grenada has a small airport and runway. We taxied close up to the airport and waited for the doors to open. Well, when those door opened and we stepped out on the first step, the heat almost knocked us backwards. It was almost 100 degrees and felt like 150 (probably). The asphalt was so hot that we could feel the heat coming up thru our shoe soles. We walked quickly into the airport and had to go through customs. They unloaded half of my damn suitcase. I must have looked sneaky. Connie and Fran went thru with no problem. As they waited for me they found their driver holding up a placard with our name on it. The hotel where we were staying had sent a van for us. We really felt important -- I said I had never done anything like this before -- I was impressed.

Our driver was crazy. He had on a suit and cap and drove like a maniac. There was a round-a-bout in the middle of town and he went around it blowing the horn and shaking his fist. Connie, had already decided we were going to rent a car and we had to decide who was going to get the Grenada license. Hell, I had no intentions of studying for a TEST! We were told you had to take a test and Connie volunteered. YAYYY. Well the rental car agency sent their representative to our hotel and all Connie had to do was sign a waiver, an agreement and take the keys. WHERE WAS THE TEST? We now had our own little car. It was a four-door compact and I got the back seat. Thank God for Dramamine again.

We checked into our hotel and it was more of a cabin. There was a long building that had two apartments (adjoining). They each had two bedrooms, cable TV, a kitchen, living room, huge bathroom and balconies overlooking the Caribbean. Hibiscus were blooming everywhere as well as bushes that looked like azaleas. So many beautiful flowers and shrubbery. Connie had brought a flask full of Jack Daniels with him and we settled in and met on their balcony. The place was gorgeous. The floors and doors were all mahogany, and glistened like glass.

With our drinks in hand we sat on the balcony to talk about our plans and the sites we wanted to see. After a couple of hours of unwinding we dressed and went for dinner. Guess where we went -- My God, I couldn't believe it -- a Chinese Restaurant. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT. The food was nothing to write home about but it filled the hole.

The next morning we were up early and hungry as bears. We decided to take the car into town, find a grocery store and a liquor store, in that order too. Well the grocery store was pathetic. It reminded me of an old A&P store we used to have at home. It was looked dirty and half the shelves were empty. We picked up some frozen lobsters, bread, milk and PB&J. We had the necessities to eat breakfast and lunch at home if we wanted. Next stop was the liquor store. We spent a few dollars in there as well.

Connie did great driving through Georgetown and I was very impressed. Driving on the wrong side of the road was so confusing and I was scared too death. We drove back to the hotel and grabbed our maps and video camera and off we went. Back thru town and by the boat clubs where they had beautiful sailboats and yachts. Wonder who owned all those expensive toys. Hmmmm, there must have been more KING OF THE MOUNTAINS, than we thought. Well we were sightseeing and made it to where the fishing boats were coming in. GOD did it stink. I heard lots of "HEY MON's" too. Everyone wanted to sell you something and I didn't think anyone was very friendly. Connie told me it was my imagination. The fellow on the boats were unloading huge fish with heads as large as mine. Women who were running the fish markets were grabbing the fish from the sailors and had huge machetes and whacking heads off left and right. DANGER, DANGER! Blood and guts were everywhere.

After a quick tour of the Town we drove back to the hotel and dressed for the beach. I honestly cannot describe the beauty of the beach. We drove down the hill to our hotel's beach club and from there through a beautiful lawn area to the beach. There were lawn chairs waiting for us. All of the trees surrounding us were almond trees. Who knew? We put our bags down and all ran for the water. I felt like I was stepping into my bathtub. The water must have been 90 degrees and was so clear you could see your feet, even in water up to your neck. The waves were broken by rocks pretty far out and it was a gentle lap around your shoulders when they did come in. There were fishermen swimming out with their fishing guns, way beyond the rocks. We weren't sure if they were fishing for themselves or being paid to do it.
I think I stayed in the water until my skin began to shrivel up. I could not bear to get out of it. I was in Heaven. We stayed there until dinner time and went back to our rooms for our cocktails and dinner.

The next morning I got up early and went into my bathroom. It was larger than my bedroom. There was a sink, commode and a shower head, no stall or separation. You just showered in the room. It was great. So I decided to get into the shower before breakfast and turned the water on and lizards and chameleons decided to come thru the wide woven screens to check me out. I saw something move out of the corner of my eye and screamed. Woke Fran and Connie up and they thought it was hysterical. Hell, I had been looking for roaches or spiders knowing that they were hiding and waiting on me to go to bed. I never saw any of those because I am sure the lizards were gobbling them up when they weren't watching me shower. That truly was a shock. I never adjusted. I would walk in the bathroom almost on tippy-toes anticipating their return. Hell they were there waiting on me. How I missed them the first time, I will never know.

After we had had breakfast that morning we decided it was time for a "road trip". Connie especially wanted to go see the rain forest. Of course, I wanted to go see the rain forest too. Probably lots of parrots, monkeys, who knew what else. So off through the town we go and we come to the round-a-bout and Connie didn't have a damned clue which way to go. He stopped. Yes, he stopped. God, don't stop I screamed. Horns were blowing and you could hear yelling and then it was like they realized he was a visitor. Everyone stopped and waved him through with huge smiles. Hmmmmmm, they knew he was King of the Mountain, after all. Of course, once we got thru that mess we were all smiles again.

As we drove up a winding road with the water to our left, we encountered goats and cows tied up and standing in the damned road. The first curve we went around we were met by a van with people hanging out all the doors and windows and Connie started screaming, like a girl. It scared us all too death. Then it was the animals. We almost killed two goats. The vans (they called them buses) were flying and in the middle of the road, like they owned it. We finally got passed all that congestion and headed up the mountain towards the rain forest. Lots of Jim Walter type homes there as well. No windows, but they did have doors. There were yellow, blue and pink houses everywhere. They slowly disappeared the higher up we went. We didn't have a clue where the hell we were. Connie said he knew this had to be the way though. As we drove it really began to look like a jungle/rain forest. Elephant ear type plants and grape vines hung by the roadside. We drove by a beautiful waterfall. We both took pictures of that and the plants. We were pretty much on top of the mountain when we went by a school -- no kidding. Kids were dressed in uniforms. White tops and plaid pants, shorts or skirts. Like Catholic school. Who in the hell lived up here and where did they live. There were 3 different schools up there. We drove through a small village/town. There were dogs and chickens in the road and people standing around smoking and talking. Rather than run over their animals, Connie stopped and nodded and waved. The next thing I knew some woman was trying to jerk my car door open. "WHAT THE HELL", I screamed. She kept jerking and then jerked on Connie's door too. She said to him, "take my baby in your car, she has never been in a car." My God, the kid wasn't two years old and she is trying to throw him in the car with strangers. I am shaking my head no, like she cared. She kept jerking and when she let go, Connie kicked it. Down the road we went in our little car. He was flying around corners and I hadn't taken a Dramamine. OH GOD. I also was getting ready to start filming with the video camera. Who knew how sick you could get doing that.

We drove for another hour or so and came to a fork in the road. Connie decided he would go to the left. I was really uneasy. I began to tell him that we could be killed. Nobody knew where the hell we were, who we were and we could be robbed and our heads cut off with machetes. He told me that I had a great imagination. On down this road we went and it seem to be getting narrower. We saw a clearing ahead and realized as we were almost on top of it that we were crossing a huge crevice with a creek running through it. That was not the bad part -- the bad part was that there were 8 boards (or planks) across this crevice and no railings or anything else. I begged Connie to turn the car around and get out of there. Oh No, he wanted to see what was up ahead. I swear to God, you could hear the planks rise up and then fall back on the one underneath it. It must have been a walking bridge... who would build that for a car? We crossed it without it collapsing and drove about 4 more miles. We ended up at some one's house. No more road. Didn't see a soul either. I still don't know why he and Fran weren't concerned about our safety. We got turned around and headed back to the plank bridge. That bridge was the length of maybe 4 cars and a long way down. We survived the ride back over the bridge and started down the mountain.

I decided it was time to start filming as we headed down. Well Connie is flying around corners and seemed to be in a big ass hurry for some reason. It didn't dawn on me until we stopped to give some hikers (who could have killed us)a ride into town. Now there were three of us in the backseat and we are all talking and introducing ourselves and I am filming and then it hits me. I am getting ready to throw up all over everyone. Oh My God, the car felt like it was 100 degrees inside and I just wanted to get out of the car and get a breath, without throwing up. I seemed to feel a little better w/o the camera. The couple got a little excited too when we got nearer to civilization again and Connie started screaming as he drove. This time we were on the side of the water. Huge drops down rocky cliffs with no guardrails. If we weren't run out of the road by the vans with people hanging out all over them (it was like a Chevy Chase movie) then we were on top of animals tied up before we saw them. Those people asked to get out of the car as soon as we hit the town limits. Connie pulled over to the side and I stepped out of the car to let one of them out and I threw up all over the sidewalk. They never stopped, said sorry you are sick, thanks for the ride -- NOTHING. They hauled ass. I felt much better though. By the time we got home we were all exhausted and nobody felt like going out for dinner. Later that night we walked down the road to the beach club and were entertained by steel drums and a wild and crazy guy who kept taking our requests and singing (or trying) popular songs. He was hysterical.

Next day was beach day again. Connie had gotten beer when we were in town and we carried it down to the beach in a small cloth cooler. We were all spread out on the beach, I had adopted 3 dogs and was feeding them all our chips and crackers when some big black Rastafarian tries to sell us some huge joints. OH GOD, we will be put in prison. I am sure Connie would have loved to but he knew I would die instantly from a heart attack if he did. We played in the water, drank some beer and laughed and two other teenage guys came along. These two were the ones who showed us the almond trees. They were cracking the nuts open and feeding us. Cool.
They entertained us with their gymnastics and swimming. Connie felt like these were his kind of people. He shared his story with them about retiring there and they acted so excited. He told them that we really needed a cooler for our booze on the beach. We had not been able to find a hardware store or anything similar that would have had coolers for sale.

Those guys took Connie for the ride of the day. He gave them $30 to buy him a cooler and we would meet them there tomorrow to pick it up. I shook my head and Fran and I laughed at how gullible he was. He said, "Hell, they are good boys, they know I will give them a big tip". Well I am sure he would have given them a huge tip -- IF HE HAD EVER SEEN THEM AGAIN. SUCKER!!!!!!!! When I wanted to tease him I would tell him for $30 I would go buy him a cooler. He would give me the finger too.

The next day we felt much better and decided we would go to the next town over to the big market we had read about. We pile in to our car and off we go. We made it through the round-a-bout with NO PROBLEM. As we closer to our destination we saw a huge tunnel up ahead. Yep, we had to go through it and the market was on the other side. The tunnel was one way. No lights, no cops, no nothing. How do these people stay alive, they cannot drive and most of the ones we encountered acted as if they didn't have brakes in the car. They would run over top of you and grin and wave as they did. NO PROBLEM MON! There is a line of traffic for the tunnel and there is no rhyme or reason as to whose turn it is. They get tired of waiting and haul ass. Well we did the same thing. The tunnel isn't that long, but who wants to meet one of those vans in there? NOT I!

Safely through the tunnel we see the huge market and tents and people and animals everywhere. I had already decided there was no way in hell you could pay me to live there. Not only that, but everything was so expensive and it was such a poor country. Very depressing and I wasn't the one who had to live there. Anyway, we parked the car at the direction of two policemen who could have cared less about the tunnel behind them. They had white hats and loud whistles and wore white gloves. We start walking thru the rows and rows of tents and we are looking at their vegetables, meats, spices, etc. Grenada is called the Spice Island, FYI. We saw nutmeg, saffron, and lots of other interesting things for sale. Not only meat and produce was for sale there. They sold clothes, goats and chickens. There were Rastafarian's with knit hats on and it looked as though those hats were holding about 40 lbs of dreadlocks. Not a pretty smell or sight.

The Rastafarian were selling coconuts for $1.00. For that, they would let you pick out the coconut you wanted and take it from you and use a machete bigger than me to cut the top off of it. You were to drink the juice and eat the coconut meat as well. We only drank the juice since we did not have a machete handy. GOD!

I somehow got separated from Fran and Connie and walked along looking and touching everything I saw. Couldn't help myself. So some heavyset woman begged me to buy something I touched. She wanted to barter or argue or something. I shook my head and went to the next woman. I think I bought some type of necklace made from nutmeg shells from her. The woman who I evidently "disrespected" by not purchasing anything sent her older soon after my ass. He came up behind me after I purchased the necklace and started screaming and wanting to know why I didn't buy from his mother. Great Kook-A-Monga, let me outta here.(I think that is from the song, Stranded in the Jungle, I love to say it) About the time he was winding down and my eyes were popping out on my cheek, Connie appeared and took me by the arm and led me away. He said "We can't take you anywhere". Obviously.

We decided we had seen enough at the market and headed for the liquor store. Connie's friends had told him to stock up on the rum that was made there. It was delicious and cheap. He should bring a case home. We found the liquor store and they are privately owned. So King of the Mountain goes in and buys a case of rum and has the owner wrap it, suitable for flying home. I bought 2 bottles and I don't even like rum. That night we ate at a french restaurant not far down the hill from our hotel. It was very classy and the food was excellent and expensive. It is no fun to take a vacation if you have to count pennies!

One more day at the beach and we were ready to head home. Our hotel shuttle got us to the airport in plenty of time to make our flight. We walked into the airport and there were 3 ticket agents. Most of the people in line were from the area. They had brown paper bags full of stuff as well as suitcases, held together with duct tape. The fun hadn't even begun til we arrived. The agent and the customers were arguing over the baggage and the weight. I never thought I would ever see people unpacking their clothes ad the ticket counter. They were unpacking and throwing stuff out so that they could make the weight limit. Some of them had family who picked their belongings up and others left the stuff in the floor and went to get on the plane. UNREAL.

When we arrived in Puerto Rico for our plane change, Connie bought more rum, more expensive rum. We finally got on our plane and headed home to D.C. We didn't get into Dulles Airport until Midnight. We were so tired we could hardly keep our eyes open, and we weren't staying the night at the hotel. We needed to be bright eyed and bushy tailed. We make it to the luggage pick up and waited and waited and waited for our box of booze to arrive. Connie said, "I have a bad feeling" and we wanted to know why. He said well as we sat on the plane I watched them unloading luggage and I know I saw some S.O.B. drop my box of rum and spices. Fran started in by telling him he should have wrapped it himself and done a good job and used towels, on and on and on. He told her to shut the hell up that he didn't want to hear her mouth. Why would she listen to that......NOT ME! Finally after 1 hour of waiting our busted box of rum and nutmeg and saffron came around. Connie grabbed that busted box, soaking in rum and smelling like a brewery and threw it across the floor. Then he lost it. Some security guy came over to see what the hassle was and Connie went off like the Atom Bomb. He was gonna see that everyone there got their ass fired, they were gonna pay and someone was going to reimburse him. His blood pressure had to be outta sight. The security guy called in some janitors to mop the rum, nutmeg and saffron up. Someone gave him a claim form to fill out and I think Fran ended up doing it. By the time we finished with that there was no shuttle and we had to take a cab, and pay. We got to our hotel and loaded the car up and headed back to Richmond, I think it was around 4 a.m. when we arrived. We weren't as happy going home as we had been headed to Grenada.

As far as I know, Connie was never reimbursed for the booze. He called and wrote to lots of people. I do agree with Fran that had the box been packed correctly that would never have happened. Connie said if someone hadn't written on the box, "GLASS--DON'T DROP" it probably wouldn't have happened, but that S.O.B......." ha ha.

I will always have my pictures and so far, my memory, of that trip with my brother.

Happy Trails