ELVIS, WE'RE COMING

I cannot believe that I typed this whole blog last night and instead of saving it, I erased it. There was no way in hell that I could ever retrieve it. Believe me I tried. I saved it as I went too! Color me ANGRY!

After we returned home from Connecticut we had one day to do laundry and repack. This trip has been planned for quiet some time. The Memphis Blues and Jazz Festival. Judy found it on the Internet and since we love Blues and Jazz and Memphis -- WHY NOT GO! We got on line and purchased $75 tickets. That covered Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Man, we were excited.

Judy's sister Janis, was going on the trip with us. Judy (the rich one) has two Cadillacs: an older one that is HUGGGGGE; the second one 3 yrs old but small. The new one is not very comfortable either. Hard seats require puffy pillows for our large butts. Therefore, the older Caddy was going to be our chariot to Memphis. Wednesday morning the girls picked me up and we were all giddy. Roserita, our GPS, was ready and willing to lead us on. We laughed and joked for miles and then settled down.

I noticed as we drove that anytime we got quiet or if I happened to nod off, Judy ran over the grids on the shoulder and jarred us back to normal. I noticed this off and on all the way down there. I called her attention to it and she laughed. I said you know, you did the same thing when we went to Connecticut. So obviously she DOES NOT WANT ME TO HAVE A NAP. Sometimes I tell her she has sleep apnea. I don't think she really does but I try and scare her anyway. So we all had to be very alert and aware on the interstate driving with Judy.

As we got further into Tennessee, Janis mentioned that a mutual friend, Tracey, had mentioned we should stop in Buck Snort, Tennessee. She and her husband had been intrigued by the name when they saw the road sign and stopped. They found a "restaurant" and took a break and had homemade pie. Well, what the hell we are always up for pie. We saw the sign, Buck Snort 1 mile ahead and we all perked up. Judy whipped the Caddy down the ramp and there was nothing, zip, zilch. She made a quick U turn and low and behold we saw it in the distance. In front of the restaurant were two 18 wheelers with their motors running. So I guess the drivers were sleeping. Since this was Janis' idea we made her walk up the steps to see if the place was open. It looked closed but we just weren't sure and there was no need for all of us to get out. Janis is always a good sport and she hopped out and skipped up the steps. At the door she stood and read some poster on the glass. We wondered whether it was a WANTED poster or what. It was a pretty spooky area and we were surrounded by mountains and woods. So Janis finally opens the door and disappears. I said "what if she never comes out"? This could easily be like PSYCHO. In a minute or two Janis was standing at the big picture window waving us in.

So we slowly got out of the car and tried to straighten up and walk like normal people. Finally walked in and the place was huge. The waitress and Janis were the only ones in there. The waitress said to take any table we liked. There was a huge television mounted on the wall and we took a table for 12 and huddled together. We told the waitress we were there for pie. She let us know she only had a few pieces. I got pecan and Judy and Janis both got coconut custard. I had to have coffee and thank God I did. That was the driest pecan pie I had ever had. It was not good and if it was homemade, I would never admit it. Oh, I forgot to mention that all of the walls were covered with stuffed animals -- dead stuffed animals. Not really something that I enjoy looking at while I eat, or any other time. We probably spent a whole 20 minutes there and rushed to the car. We departed Buck Snort in a hurry.

It took us a long time to get to Memphis (and we were staying outside of Memphis (in Mississippi). We always stay in Mississippi because the first few times we could not find a room in Memphis. So we liked the area and it was a short drive to the city so that's what we normally do. So after 12 hours we arrived at our motel. It was a Comfort Inn but it was really a dump. I had kept asking Judy questions about it and she said look at the website. Couldn't tell very much but it was not the best place we have ever stayed in. The one saving grace was that the motel was right behind a WAFFLE HOUSE. YAYYYYYY. Pecan waffles, hash browns, grits. So we were all grinning from ear to ear. We would go to bed happy.

The next morning we decided we would have breakfast at the Waffle House on our way to Memphis. It was a beautiful day and we were going to take Janis on a quick tour of Memphis and Graceland. We informed her that we had been in Graceland and had no intention of ever going back. We would certainly wait for her to take the grand tour too. She said if we didn't like it she probably wouldn't either. We purchased some souvenirs in the gift shop there, had lunch in a "drugstore" with Formica tables and a soda fountain. As we left the area Janis was able to see the airplane Elvis had named for Lisa Marie. Down on the tail there was a logo "TCB" with a lightning bolt thru the middle. TCB, we learned, stands for TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS. On the road again, headed in search of the festival site and Beale Street.

Of course, prior to seeing Beale Street Judy managed to take us into the projects and by the dumpsters several times. I told Janis that was par for the course and she mumbled something about her sister's "problems". Drove over the bridge into Arkansas, because we could. Nothing there but gas stations and fast food. We were almost out of gas when we crossed the line and we had to hunt for Judy's favorite brand. Gassed up we headed back across the river into Memphis. Parked in our usual parking garage and made the walk to Beale Street. Janis loved it immediately. Street was blocked off and loud music surrounds you immediately. There are signs everywhere for "BIG ASS BEER", which I guess means the container. We aren't beer drinkers so we never found out. We walked down to the end of the street where several motorcycle cops were guarding the street. No cars allowed. Judy insisted I take a photo of the cops...you know we love'em. That done we started back up the hill and saw the young boys doing there thing. There are usually 5 or 6 black kids that are out on the street performing for money. They are awesome, all of them. They do flips from the top of Beale to the bottom. They have a tip jar in the street for tips, of course. I had my new FLIP and took a video of that. There was great blues music coming from an area by one particular bar. Janis led the way, got us a seat on one of the picnic benches and we settled down for some great entertainment. We listened to a female singer that was very good and Janis even bought one of her CD's. She handed Janis a photo of herself and got her lipstick out of her bra and covered her lips and kissed the photo -- WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT, we didn't want that. We sat thru several songs before we decided to mosey on up the street. Checked out some more bars and headed for the car.

We headed back to the hotel for a nap and some wine. Later on we decided to check out a barbecue restaurant we had heard about and even seen on the Food Network channel. Judy was dying for some ribs and I wanted barbecue. Our waitress was probably around 19 or 20 and had a real attitude problem. She showed us to our boothe and acted like it killed her to move. I commented on that and Judy told me to calm down and behave. 20 minutes later she graced us with her presence to take our order. I asked for coffee and she said we don't have any. I said now or ever? She replied "EVER". I wanted to fix her attitude with a tire tool. She never came back to check on us, see if we wanted anything else, drinks or the bill. We finally had to go to the register to pay. The manager looked aggravated that we didn't have the bill and that he had to chase her down to get it. She glared at us. Judy and Janis got change and walked back and left her a tip -- GUESS WHO DID NOT LEAVE A TIP. You got it. ME! Back we to the hotel we went, bellies full and chins greasy.

The next morning was Friday, the first day of the Blues Festival. James Taylor and Bonnie Raitt were two of the headliners. Of course, they were not performing until Saturday night. But the program we had looked great. We had no idea what to expect. On our drive-by we had seen several large white tents set up in the park down by the river and several stages set up on the grounds.

We opened the hotel door to check the weather and DAMN, it was pouring rain. Just our luck we all said. Why Us? Janis said never fear -- she was prepared. She brought huge black garbage bags for us. I swear to God, they were 6 ft long. Judy happened to have some scissors and we were able to fashion rain suits for ourselves. Janis, the smart one, brought a hooded raincoat with her from home and Judy did have two umbrellas in the Caddy. Judy had read all the information about parking, trolley, buses, etc. We parked near the PYRAMID (by the bridge) and waited on the trolley car. I hoped I didn't get car sick (or would it be trolley sick). We stood under a trolley gazebo and waited for about 20 minutes for the trolley. The excitement was building and we were acting stupid. 50 cents for a trolley ride to the park and we were on our way. Still raining and we were still pissed. When we exited the trolley it was nowhere near where we thought we would be let off. Rather than inside the park area, we were let off at the top of the hill and had about 40 steps to try and get down with our garbage bags on. Judy had on a long dress and she couldn't see her feet. Janis guided her down the steps because we didn't want to loose the driver of the Big Ole Caddy. I (the pretty one) held on to the railing and prayed I didn't fall down the steps and die in a damned garbage bag. Suffice it to say, we all made it down safely, none the worse.

Once on the park grounds we had to find our tickets inside our purses, inside our garbage bags. I was already sweating and we had just gotten there. Rain was still pouring and we were still pissed to the tune of $75. We walked into the first tent we came to and music was blaring. The entrance was at the rear of the tent and there was no way that we could even see who was singing. Nobody important since there were no signs anywhere. God, it gets hot in a tent when you are wearing a 6ft black garbage bag. I was in and out of there in a heartbeat. I watched some group on one of the outside stages performing and realized most of the people standing in the rain watching and listening were holding up their beer bottles and swaying to the music. Beer, liquor....hmmm. I was really in no mood. Our feet were wet and it was a cold rain. Judy and I found a picnic table to sit on and Janis said she would scope the place out and see if there was anything we needed to see or hear. She came back with a mixed drink and shared with me. Other people were impressed (I guess) with our garbage bags too. We kept getting the Fonzie thumbs up or a "cool man" from various drunks. We were probably in the park for an hour (maybe) and decided we were done. We looked everywhere for a way out of that Park that didn't involve steps. Unless we were in a car and driving we were going back up those 45 steps, in our 6 ft. garbage bags. I was really sweating by this time. Judy was praying that the Lord would let her make it up the last step without falling backwards or tripping on her dress. He answered our prayers, except for the rain.

Back to the room for some wine and crackers and fruit. It took a long time to warm our bodies and during the warm up Janis decides she would like to go to a mall.
Hell with that Judy and I said. Janis whined and we gave in. We had nothing else to do and there were only 5 channels on the TV in the hotel. We hurried thru the rain to the car and headed out to look for a mall. I was pretty sure I could get us to a mall. I was WRONG! We drove for an hour on every back road in Mississippi. Nadda, Nothing, No Malls. Then we decided the malls were closing and we would head home. Guess what. We left Roserita at home, by herself. No way were we able to find our hotel. Off and on interstate ramps, little towns....where in the hell were we? I finally made Judy (the man) stop so I could ask directions. Would you believe that nobody knew the name of our town, street, hotel? Unreal. I asked a guy sitting in his car, he had no clue. We drove around for 30 more minutes and rode right by the deli mart where nobody had a clue. I made Judy (the man) drive up near the gas tanks so I can ask someone else. The person I chose knew exactly where we wanted to go and how to get there. YAYYYY for our side. Roserita had been very helpful and we now knew we would be "lost" without her. Found the hotel, piled out of the car, everyone was tired by then and we went to bed.

The next morning I awoke to Janis and Judy laughing out loud. They said I had been talking in my sleep and even sat up, flipped open my cell phone and said something, shut it and began talking again. They were impressed that I could do that in my sleep. They said I talked alot in my sleep but nothing made any sense. THANK GOD.... That was our laugh for the day. We decided to hell with the festival, we weren't doing that again. If the rain stopped and the sun came out -- then we would discuss it. One of the hotel maids told us that it has rained every time that festival has been held. Wish we had known that when we decided to buy tickets. Sounds like curse to me.

That was the extent of our activities and Sunday morning we packed up and loaded the car. Roserita was plugged in and the windshield wipers were wiping. It was a dreary day from the get go and we chatted for awhile and then it got quiet. Guess who started running off the road -- You got it ---- JUDY (the sleepy one). I was cussing up a storm. I cannot remember whether I took over or whether Janis did. Judy said she was sorry but the rain and the car movement made her sleepy. So she took the shotgun seat and slept all the way until we made a pit stop or stopped for food. We did stop at some little hole in the wall town, nope not Buck Snort, and drove up a steep hill to a Taco Bell. We all had our burritos and one of the guys working there walked by and asked if everything was OK. Judy said yes, but where are we. I wish you could have seen his face. He said TACO BELL. Then we all burst out laughing. We knew what she meant (we are psychic)-- He probably thought we were boozers. Judy finally told him she wanted to know the name of the town. Then he was embarrassed.

Bellies full and bladders emptied we headed for the Interstate. Judy was asleep almost instantly and tried to hold her head up and act as though she was awake -- but you don't snore when you are awake -- well, at least I don't. The traffic was terrible and there was just enough rain to have to run the wipers and to know that the road was slick and we had to slow down.

We made it home safely and unloaded the car and dropped me off. It felt good to be home.

We are already planning our next trip. We loved Kentucky and the the racetracks and thoroughbreds running in the pastures. We hope to have enough money to go to a race there too. Keep your fingers crossed.

Happy Trails