ANOTHER TRIP TO MYRTLE BEACH

Well this blog could have another title, it could be WE'RE IN SUNNY SAVANNAH! We were planning to leave Friday morning for Savannah and the Jazz/Blues Festival. It was after midnight when Judy called me and said "is your heart set on Savannah?" I said hell no, my heart doesn't care -- as long as we go somewhere. We were already packed anyway, didn't need to repack a thing.

I go over to pick Judy up and she is ready. We loaded her handbag and computer and our beach chairs, which we always keep in one of our cars -- JUST IN CASE THERE IS WATER AND WE NEED TO SIT AND WATCH IT. So we closed the trunk and hopped in the car and the fun began.

On the way down the Interstate I asked Judy if we were going the same way as last time. If you have read this blog before you know that we never go the same way. NEVER for the past 6 years. I told Judy I know what she is up to. She takes me over the river and thru the woods so I won't know where in the hell I am. She said that was true because she would never allow me to go to the Beach w/o her. FAT ASS CHANCE. The one time I went by myself and she was coming 2 weeks later, I ended up outside of Atlanta. I called Kreg and said I think I'm lost. He screams, "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU." I had to tell him that was why I was calling him. I had no idea where the hell I was except there was a sign that said Atlanta 10 miles. THAT AIN'T RIGHT!!! He was screaming for me to get off the interstate and pull over and not move the car til he got out a map. I did and he did and I finally go to Myrtle Beach. I spent Christmas there and it was AWESOME.

So back to getting directions from Judy, who periodically nods off. She said well we get off of I-77 and then we take this route and then we will go to another town and get on a different road. Well Hot Damn! We were tooling down the road in my "souped up" Impala and we looked GOOD. We both had on makeup and Jewelry. I mentioned to Judy that we were on a great 10 lane highway. She said this is not right, GET OFF QUICK. I am a pro at making quick exits or u-turns. We realized that we were in Salsbury, N.C. She said God, I have never been here before. Well we are lost again. I said big deal, I will take a left here and go a couple of blocks, take another left and I will be on the road we missed. She said right, sure. She said NO, don't take that turn. Stop, this has got to be wrong. So after about 10 minutes I pulled into a MET LIFE Insurance Office. And asked the receptionist how to get on Rt. 52. She said hmmmmmmmmm, well I don't go that way but I think you can go to Rt 49 and eventually hit.....I said great, thanks a bunch and left that stupid girl. So we decide it's time to get the GPS out of the trunk.
Judy "programmed" the GPS and we're ON THE ROAD AGAIN. The GPS was helpful and took us right where we wanted to go. WE SAID YAYYYYYY!

After we were on the right road and went thru another little town, following Rt 52. Judy said she didn't like this way and to pull over. I just happened to park in a jewelry store parking lot. Some fellow was sweeping the hallway and gave us a funny look. We had decided we needed to take 15 min breaks every hour and a half. So this was a great place. We both hobble out of the car and I pop the trunk to get the map. Then this fellow who was sweeping walks out and says can I help you ladies? Are you lost? I said No, we have a GPS. Then he wanted to know where the hell we were going. Then Judy pops up and starts talking to him. We both noticed his polo shirt had an emblem on it that said Corrections Enterprise. Great, we have a prison guard leaning on the car. He ran his mouth to hear his head roar. God, I needed to find a bathroom and quick. Finally he and Judy argued about traffic on his route. He explained to us that he drove for a living and knew all the best ways. Then he told us how to come back next time, to take a road around Charlotte, blah, blah, blah.

Well we took the road he told us to and that was the road we were planning to take anyway. Judy bitched and moaned that she didn't like this road and that stupid ass didn't know what he was talking about ANNNNNNNDDDDD that she had driven through all those towns and traffic was awful and bumper to bumper, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I cannot remember if we got lost 2 or 3 times before we reached the beach. But we did and we did get to the beach. Took a long time too.

So on our last 20 miles before the beach Judy called the Regency, place we always stay. The reason we are not staying there in November is because they are revamping, resurfacing the outside, new balconies, etc. Also, the big reason is because of Selfish Me. I stay in the pool the whole month we are there. Well they wrote and told us that they were giving us a discount because the pool would be closed Oct and Nov. and because of all the mess and noise. WTF? Anyway, on our way in Judy called the Regency and asked if they would let us stay for 4 nights. They said sure, we will even give you the revamping discount now, since there is so much dust and noise. WELL THAT WAS THE TRUTH. Good God, we could hear ourselves think or talk.

A huge black cloud had followed us for 45 miles and up ahead we saw a beautiful full rainbow -- it was like Alpha and Omega -- a beginning and an end. We were wondering where that pot of gold was. We need the money. We like to live beyond our means anyway. So this cloud is really pretty scary. It just keeps taking over the sky. We had to speed a little in hopes of beating it to our Condo. We beat it and pulled under the big porch/driveway. Thank God, we were living at the foot of the cross. Not a single raindrop fell on us. We go in to see if we could check out several condos because we are very picky. The new desk clerk (who we had never met), Richard said sorry, can't let you have keys until Security arrives. We told him we had been coming there for years and we were trustworthy (asshole). He wouldn't give. Then another friend of ours who works there comes around the corner and see us and yells HHEYYYYYYY LADIES, how are you? Great to see you again..... I look around and see Richard (the clerk) handing us 3 sets of keys to look at different condos. I said what the hell is wrong with you? First we couldn't have the damned keys and now you are giving me 3? He said well when I saw that Tony knew you..... I called him a few names, and smiled and he beamed and I said so you weren't waiting on Security. You wanted to see if we really knew Tony and he said sorry. We grabbed those keys and the first two condos were not that great and smelled like a bar (cigarette smoke). Three's a charm. Oh my God, 906 was beautiful, modern, and very colorful. We rushed back down and told Richard we would take it. He said that was the one I had picked out when Judy called a while ago. It is a nice place. So Judy hands him her credit card and he gives us another key and we go out to unload our stuff.

We had no idea that BLACK CLOUD was hovering over the Regency Towers until we went out the doors to get the car. Now I told you this was a covered drive thru. We walk out those doors and the wind and rain hits us in the face like a hurricane. It backed us up a foot or two. I am laughing out loud as I type this part. I popped the trunk and unlocked the doors and as we walked to the back of the car Judy's hair went straight up in the air and my tank top blew over my head. Oh God, I could cause some man to have a heart attack, especially if they see the spare tire around my waist. I said Judy look and about that time her blouse went over her shoulders. We were both crying hysterically. Judy happened to look in the car window and saw her hair and said God, I look like Clarabell the Clown, all I need is a damned horn. We grabbed a buggy and loaded our stuff and got the hell in the building. Then I realized I had to go park that damn HOT CAR of mine. So Judy heads on up to the room with the bags and cooler and I get in the car and drive around bulldozers and trucks and cranes. No way in hell could I see the numbered parking places and they must have been numbered by a two year old. No rhyme or reason. They range from 105, 706, 409...... each row is that screwed up. So I drive back under the cover and blow the horn. Richard comes out and I said where in the hell am I supposed to park. He said anywhere and I said bullshit. He said well drive to the side there may be a spot under the bldg. I said 10-4 and took off. As I rounded the corner there was a porta potty with the door blown wide open and it was teetering on the edge of the grass and curb. I parked and was under cover til I got back in the building. I told them about the potty and they asked if I would go back out and lock the door. I said yea boys, when monkeys fly and they laughed out loud. Tony said that was mild for her Richard. I gave them both the finger as I got on the elevator and went upstairs with no booze or wine. As I went into the condo Judy said did they tell you to bring your suitcase up, I couldn't manage it. I said a few choice words and back down I went. As the elevator door opened both guys were standing there with my suitcase between them. They said ooops, we were quite finished looking thru it. I said you shouldn't have bothered, there is not underwear in it. As the elevator door closed they were still speechless.

So Judy and I sat down and put our feet up and were so happy to be there. I took a sleeping pill and so did Judy. Mine worked, hers didn't.

We woke up around 11, showered, dressed and headed out to find condos. We looked up and down the beach as we drove. Saw a few and then went to a Real Estate office and got keys to 4 places. Got were they the pitts. Nasty, no lobby, no desk clerk, no security, no locked entrance. They all had dark garages and one of the garages had a huge leak coming thru on the bottom level and it had already formed a pool. Judy said should we call the Real Estate Office. I told her hell no, it wasn't our problem and we sure weren't staying there. Well we were not impressed. Took the keys back and it was time to eat.

So Sunday was lay around the condo all day long and listen to our ITUNES and read. On Monday we were scheduled to go to the Ocean Creek Resort and meet a woman she met on Craig's List. Judy's daughter, Vicky, said she is probably a man and a mass murderer. Ya'll better be careful. The woman was nice and cute and funny. She showed us the 4 condos she rents for the owners when they aren't home. They were beautiful. Wrap around decks and all glass, granite counter tops, nice art, just what the doctor ordered. Butttt, the one drawback was this place was not directly on the beach like we are used to. But it was a good view. Judy said she wasn't sure she could hear the surf...did I tell you earlier in this blog that we are both deaf? Well trust me. So she wants to go out on the balcony to see if she can hear the surf. I almost choked. She came back in and said yep, I hear it. Well we finished looking at the condo and Sheryl, the owner, said make me an offer. Well do you think I consulted with Judy or we said we would get back to her? HELL NO, I said $1200 and she said SOLD! We thought that was a good deal and then I wondered what if I had $900 do you think she would have taken it. Judy shrugged. Sheryl had told us that the couple that owned the condo were from Oregon and the wife was deceased and the husband in a nursing home and the son was left paying for the condo and the father's nursing home. She told us later that he really needed the money but most people want a really modern condo and this one is homey and has antiques. It was very nice. I don't like antiques. But this will be my turn to have the Master Suite and it has one whole glass window that looks out at the sand and beach and a huge bathroom. Heaven, I'm in heaven..... Oh Sheryl's husband told her the same thing that we could be men and be murders and for her to call him the minute we left. I told her to go inside her closet and take her cell phone and call him from in there and scare him shitless. She laughed and said she couldn't do that to him. What kind of a woman is she anyway.

I forgot to tell something funny. On Saturday we stopped at Kroger's to get Judy some water that didn't smell (she says Myrtle Beach Water is nasty). So I parked, went in and got two jugs of water and some fruit and I realized as I walked to the Cashier's lane that my Kroger card was in the car with Judy on my key ring. Damnit.
I stopped at his aisle and said do you have a Kroger card I can use? He said do you have a grocery list I can have? I said what in the hell would you want with that? He said he was doing an art project. I said for whom? He said Art,it's my art project. I said who in the hell would give you a project like that? He said it was my idea. I told him that was the dumbest thing I had every heard of and who cared anyway. He said I think it is cool to see what customers write on their lists and what they write on. I said well mine is in my address book and on the back are some phone numbers. HE SAID GOOODY. I am so excited. I said you are also SICK! So he scanned his card and then commented on my coin jewelry -- bracelets and ankle bracelets, specially made for me. I jiggle and jingle with ever step. I said hell,that's nothing. Look at my ankle bracelet too. So I stand out in front of the aisle and dance and shake my foot and my arms and he and the bagger are crying. He said man, that is cool. I thanked him, tore out the list and got my change and left. I could hardly wait to tell Judy. I knew she would shake her head in shame.

Following our business transaction we headed to the Carolina Road House for a salad with country ham and hot, crusty, sweet croissants. As an appetizer we had onion rings. God, they were outstanding. But that's something we do each visit to the Beach.

One of the waitress came out of the bathroom stall a few seconds before me. I came out and she turned around and it was obvious that she had "FORGOTTEN" to wash her hands. I knew what she looked like. As I walked buy her I noticed she went right to a cash register and started pushing buttons. UGH! So when I got back to our table I pointed her out to Judy and said if she touches our plates I will refuse them and tell management why. From the cash register she made coffee and moved plates. While she did that our dinner was delivered. Then I didn't care what she touched, I had onion rings to eat.

Tuesday morning we were up and at'em. We had packed most of our stuff on Monday night and we had leftover breakfast stuff to eat before we left. We left Myrtle Beach at 9:30 a.m. and got home a little after 7. Long trip.

We headed home our regular way for about 2 hrs. Then we were lost (GPS and map in back seat). So we stopped at a CVS because I needed a coke. Now I have VT decals all over my SUPER HOT IMPALA and on the other side was a car with VT decals too. As I get out of the car (it takes me awhile to be able to walk after sitting on my butt)
two old women come out of CVS. They go to their car and get in and the driver is on Judy's side. She yelled at me and asked if we were from Christiansburg?? I said no but we are from Blacksburg. Well Judy saw me mouthing and didn't hear the women in the car beside her and she starts mouthing WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, I CAN'T HEAR!!! As she rolls down her window to scream at me, she realizes that nobody is talking to her at all. She got so tickled and I had no idea of anything she was doing because I was concentrating on hearing the woman. She said she had family in Christiansburg and Riner. Then she said something else and I nodded and went in the CVS. I decided Judy and I should have an ice cream treat. So I bought us one and we ate on our way out of the parking lot, hopefully on the right road since there were no road signs and we didn't even know where the hell we were. As we drove we laughed about those women and Judy thought I was speaking to her.

We drove for another hour or so and got on another road and Judy said that wasn't right so we got off when we could and found another road, that looked right. She didn't get the map out until later. We hadn't screwed up enough to warrant that. On one of the roads we were on, Judy was on the telephone and I looked at a ugly orange car that was trying to mate with my HOT CAR and then he kicked it and passed me and a gray car that was right behind him kicked it. I said Hot Damn, we got a car race coming around. Well when the gray car passed, it was a cop in an ummarked car. I said YAAAAAY, go get him. He followed that car for 10 miles, passing when he did and I couldn't believe the guy in the ugly car had no clue. I figure he was trying to get some more charges against him. I was pulling for the cop to win but couldn't believe he waited so long. If that had happend to me I would pulled over on the shoulder the minute that cop was on me. I was really hoping for a car race too.

Finally on the road that the Corrections Enterprise guy had told us about and Judy said he was a dumb ass and that she had been there, done that and it was bumper to bumper. Well, she got that right. She kept saying, I told you didn't I? As we got closer to Charlotte we saw a sign for Monroe, N.C. I have a friend who used to be the Police Chief at Virginia Tech and she left to take this job because her parents lived there and they were both ill. Two years ago, we topped in Monroe and called the Police Dept and she was out of town. Her dispatcher and I had a great chat and laugh. So Judy said are we gonna stop and see Deborah? I said hell yea, wonder where her office is? I pulled off the road and called her. She wanted to know where we were and she knew exactly and said for us to backtrack one mile, take a right and wait at an Auction place and she was sending her Captain to bring us in. HOT DAMN, a Captain. She told me to be nice to him, and not scare him because he was young and naive. She lied. He wasn't young but he was HOT, he wasn't naive either. I told her to send him to us with sirens blaring and lights flashing. She neglected to tell him that. He pulled up beside of us in the lot and I said you're late -- where the hell have you been? He had the prettiest smile and a light spattering of gray in his hair. My heart be still! So I asked him if he had any cuffs and he could cuff us. He laughed and said no but I'm telling you ladies, you all must be mighty important for her to send a Captain to show you the way. I said Hell yes, we're important and don't forget it. So we head out of the lot and follow him to the Police Dept. We get to go in the door labeled, official police entrance, private. The public had to walk around the building. We go in and Debra walks out of her dispatcher's office and we all hugged and hugged. She introduced us to her policy administrator, the dispatcher, her personnel person and we go in her office to chat. We looked at all of her awards, certifications and diplomas and then Judy whipped out her camera. Debra got hers out too. So the Captain took the first pixx and I couldn't stop grinning. Then someone else was called into take a pix of Debra, the Captain and the two beauties from Virginia. Debra got in the way of the Captain so we made her squat down behind the table and just have her shoulders and head showing. She said we were NUTS. So photo op over we head out the door. The Captain said please let me take you ladies back to your car. Then as he opened the door he told us how pleased he was to meet us....(RIGHT).

We got back on the road we were on when we called Debra and damned if we didn't get lost again. We stopped on the outerlink around Charlotte for me to go to the bathroom and also get gas. It was a gas station/McDonalds/grocery store. I found a really cute guy in the McDonald's and ask him if we were on the right road. He said no we weren't and gave us directions. We did pretty good for about 2 miles and I sped off the wrong exit. We were laughing again at how stupid we both were. Stopped and got directions from a gas station and backtracked again. Next thing I see is a sign pointing telling us how many miles to an area near our hometown. HURRRAY, HURRAY... We know where we are and we should not get lost anymore.

We made it home safe and sound and I uncorked a bottle of wine and Judy called to see if I had her medicine. I said hell no. She said neither do it. I said did you call the Regency. She said not yet. I said well our med cases are just alike and I packed mine in my suitcase. She thought she had packed hers too. So an hour or so later I was unpacking my computer and damn if her pills weren't in my computer bag. I immediately called her and we were both happy. Then she wants to know how it got in my case. I said I had no clue, then she said WELL I DIDN'T PUT THEM THERE.....HERE WE GO. I told her I didn't either. She thinks a ghost is involved.

If I can think of anything else that happened that I have overlooked, I will do an addendum.

Happy Trails

Regency Towers on Dwellable